I Got A Day Off.

Hello there.

Thank God for Judaism and its holidays. I needed a break. Not just because school is physically and mentally tough at the moment, but because I've been having difficulties the last couple of days. I really needed a break. I'm not saying the sort of pointless nervousness I experienced in middle school(which was, frankly, extreme) is comparable to high school but like...Tuesday and Wednesday were tough. Well, just Wednesday, but still. it rained in the morning. pretty in the sunrise, but hell, it's rain and I don't want autumn to come. Winter officially terrifies me. It's so miserable. But anyway, we had an essay in the physical science class from the summer reading we did. Question; "Is the main character a hero?". How am I supposed to answer that without diving into some big swimming pool of cliches? answer; I've no idea. So I did the cliched 'a hero can be many things' route, sixty minutes, a page and a half. Crap but not difficult. Geometry my teacher's a narcissistic bitch and had a go at me for doing the wrong side of a worksheet, not that she actually specified which side to do, naturally. I don't know why that got to me, something about the almost public humiliation of it, but whatever way I panicked and couldn't do much else and went my usual route of internal self hatred and anger. This plus a really, really bad Spanish lesson didn't help. I got a C on a quiz. Okay, so that was actually pretty middle of the road, I did hear of Fs, Ds, and Bs, but no As so it's not like a tragic grade, but still, C. And then we played this conjugation game and I suck at Spanish so the public humiliation continued, and then I had to review homework with the girl next to me. I couldn't do half of it. She didn't think much of me, and after my performance in that class, I do not blame her. But it still hurt like hell. it's weird that gym would be some sort of hi light, but so it was--one game I looked like a total fool, and I heard we get graded down for not bringing gym clothes(which I will not be doing, FYI, because the rule is pathetic and because I don't like getting changed), but otherwise it wasn't bad. The whole thing just got a bit much.

Thank Christ for this break. Five days straight will be a nightmare. I keep waking up at four in the morning for no reason. also, homework is too much. I could handle today's, not that we were supposed to get homework, but a whole four days straight is difficult.

One day I need to write something more conclusive about Peep Show. I was getting upset at the silliest things earlier, like my height, which may not be much(five two, if you're interested, not that you are) and I got into this nightmarish loop of miserableness(wannabee emo lyric of the day?), and I was like 'I need Peep Show now'. Not only is Peep Show realistic and genius and clever and possibly the most genuinely witty and funny Sitcom there has ever been in my opinion, it's comforting. Everyone's a bit like Jeremy, a bit like Mark, some more to one than the other. I'm about 5%-95% on the Jeremy-to-Mark scale. Watching Mark makes me laugh and makes me feel better. I am Mark Corrigan. It's okay. He can relate. He can relate about a lot of things. And it's okay Mark is wonderful, not that I am, and you're not on your own, Naomi. I need that quite a lot, just like everyone I suppose. Sometimes Peep Show is all that comforts me. Right now I find it more comforting than music and reading and playing piano and blogging combined. Wednesday I had a bad day and I just had a late-night Peep Show episode. Mark's public humiliation, self hatred, embarrassment, fear, and anxiety is endless; and it's so wonderful to see because our days are so similar. it makes me feel so much better about myself and about the world in general. That is why Peep Show is so brilliant. That is why I watch it so much. That is why I have greatly over exaggerated about a lightweight comedy show.

In other news, today I went to Concord which is one of my favorite places. All quirkiness and history, I love it. I went to one store that was dedicated to stuff that was meant to look antique, largely things centered around birds and eggs and nests. When I look at antiques, first I feel very angry about myself for being overly sentimental, feminine, simple, and easily tricked by stupid things. And then part of me goes 'oh my god. it's an old fashioned weighing machine! I need that!'. Then part of me wonders if I have the money or the means to take something big home. So I go looking for something small. And then I realise I can't pick one small thing that I love more than the others so I pick up the first cutesy thing I find. Then I leave with an expensive notebook with the picture of a worn-out newspaper and a butterfly on top and I wonder what exactly happened in the last twenty minutes. But it's fun, right? Concord is so wonderful and it was so good to relax and do nothing.

Apparently a theme for this blog is choppy paragraphs, so that is the way it will stay. Have you heard of Perfume Genius? He's a music an. I generally avoid the word 'lo-fi' because most lo-fi sucks and I hate the term. But his song Learning is cool and it has quite good lyrics. there are a couple of songs I want but they're not on iTunes USA. Also, I need to add my Pretty Reckless, Editors, National, Skunk Anansie, and Kings of Leon CDs to my iPod but somehow I don't see myself having the time.

Two things, one, 'redundant' is my new favorite word, because I always go for the obvious ones. Two, I have last period Friday study hall which I see as sort of...redundant? That doesn't actually really work, but that's the closest I've got so far. I'm looking forward to it. Shamefully, I haven't been keeping up with reading at all, except in the mornings at school when I've been sitting outside my science class(which happens to be in the freshman hallway) with some other nerd. I need to keep up if I hope to reach fifty books. Also I have a science quiz tomorrow, my first in that class, and the stuff we're doing is more my style than most of the stuff in that class will be, but still, I like my teacher because shes something of an evil genius. Emphasis of evil. I'm expecting another C. Thanks high school; rather than reading fifty books this year, I will get fifty quizzes with C grades. Cheers.*

Well, it's that time of the night where I choose between reading my crap WWII novel, playing Song of India for the millionth time on piano, watching TV, or studying. Oh, it's a tricky one. See you another time, blogsophere.

- Naomi

*that is possibly the first and only time I will ever use that word in that context.