summer is three weeks in and it feels fabulously unreal and at the same time I feel pretty lucid a lot of the time. that should probably translate to some sort of creative drive, but in the end i just end up watching a lot of Miyazaki and sitting outside. I can't complain.
So apparently it's been more than a month since I wrote here. since the end of may, i sailed through june with a singular drive to get out of school before my contempt for everything and everyone ate me alive. Also, sleep deprivation.
I don't know what to say about my sophomore year of high school. I remember the first few days of sophomore year when I thought that sophomorism came with a quirky indie appeal. In between naive freshman, and junior year, where as far as I can tell, literally nothing happens. It turns out that being a sophomore/16/insecure is actually a bit of a burden because it feels like everyone is doing stuff that you're not doing, and then other people have to rush in and pretend that they're doing it too, even though they're not, and it's all one big mess of guises and ego and affectations that weren't there so much before. I guess it isn't new exactly, but I reacted to it differently in the last few months. I don't know. I know I couldn't be much more typical for the most part, but I'm not socially...you know, I don't find it easy. And I don't have too many friends, and in my day to day life that doesn't bother me, being as introverted and aloof as I am comes with great defense against loneliness or something, but then in the grand scheme of things you get upset because you know you're just getting so behind everything else. And of course, then you're angry, because how dare someone else tell you that there's something less than average with how you are. That and you have to do labs and lose sleep and deal with talks about politics or things you don't know about and you don't have the backbone to just be alone a bit more and so on. A big ball of adolescence.
Now, that isn't there so much, and cause I've already done summer reading and didn't get any AP classes(thank god, in a way) I've nothing to do for another seven weeks or so. And I'm so fucking thankful for that.
I don't know anyone with a less interesting existence than mine? This has happened:
I went to my first Radiohead gig. It felt like a rite of passage. It's just something you do, you know, see Radiohead. And I like Radiohead, don't get me wrong! And even though the fuckers didn't play any of the stuff anyone likes, bar one thing from Kid A, and even though I couldn't see the stage at all, and the only refrain I got from Thom(bless him)'s 90-minute falsetto warble was a brief rant about Putin, and even though my lungs still haven't forgiven me I'm sure for all the second hand smoke, it was fun, and I recommend it.
Saw Gogol Bordello on a whim. Turns out, they're one of the best live shows I've ever been to. Since then, I carry the burden of knowing how tedious everything is apart from being a Ukrainian Romani. also saw Mariachi El Bronx--it's almost mariachi music--and I spend most of my time listening to them now. The bad Mexican accents really get to you.
An actual thing that happened and is semi significant in my life! I got my permit! A couple of weeks ago, yep. I've driven four times now. I'm not doing especially well and I'm super hesitant? The first time I started racing across a parking lot at 40mph by mistake, because my subconscious decides acceletator solves all anxiety. I'm also driving a standard. The fun behind this is two-fold because a.) changing into 2nd and 3rd gears makes you feel really accomplished and b.) I can blame my lack of progress on the clutch. It'd help if i actually had half the will to drive as I did before I got my permit. it turns out driving isn't particularly fun.
I saw Laura Marling, who was excellent. Listen to Laura Marling. i guess you already have.
I went on something of a road trip, to DC. Also New York City and Philadelphia. I love driving through America, I really do. You can't do that so much in England. It's fun getting to go to new states even if only for very brief amounts of time? (I'm not going to talk about diversity in America. Just so we're clear). I think I went to a whole five new states this time. it was 100 degrees the whole weekend but we did Ellis Island and a lot of the sightseeing stuff in DC, Smithsonian stuff, Arlington, and saw some of my dad's old friends and it was just so much fun and I wish I could see more of this country. Hopefully in the future I won't be glued to the east coast, too. Yeah.
This is the entirety of everything that has happeed to me, Internet. I've been listening to a lot of Andrew Jackson Jihad, and 50s girl groups, and Stone Roses, Azealia Banks, Smith Westerns, Dum Dum Girls, X Ray Spex. Watching Sherlock, the Michael Apted documentaries(which are fantastic I don't care what you say), Miyazaki films. Currently reading Vonnegut, which I never seem to stop doing, and Desolation Angels by Jack Kerouac which I like.
I'm going to England in a week and a half. I can't wait. I've missed England a lot recently, aaaand now I wanna go back more than anything. Incidentally, I've lived in this country for five years now. It's weird to think about. But mostly I just wanna go back to England because people don't turn their heads if they hear your accent on the street, and I'm sick of the 100 degree heat here, and I wanna watch QI and walk to cornershops and around real countrywise, and listen to bad British music, and see live music and friends and everything!! Just...sorry America but no i need a break.
I'm so sorry that I never have anything to say follow me on tumblr i mean i don't have anything to say there either but if you're lucky there will still be words. I'm sorry maybe I'll blog over England or something but here's no point in words if there isn't any meaning I suppose. I hope you're having a great summer and I hope time slows down because christ i don't wanna go back to school or fucking anything.
Good night all.
