I'm here singing along to my All Time Low CD. Not very cool but I'm not bothered--easy listening, i guess. that and Blah Blah Blah by Kesha and Villagers' debut. I wish I still had time for music.
This week I got a D on a math test and a C on a science test. If it was possible for one's self esteem and/or confidence to be bi-polar then mine would certainly be just that. Simply put, not a good week in that respect. I do technically know the math stuff, really. In my math class my teacher just started doing Plus Quizzes and Tests, which she's given about five kids in the class. I'm kinda the bottom of the top, shall we say. the test was hard, really it was. or I'm dumb. either way, I fuck up on this test and I go from a ninetysevenfuckingpercent to an A minus and I had a quiz today which I didn't do well on. that wasn't even plus. dammit. And science was simply a disaster. Hello, B Minus. Goodbye high honors. And I was prepared! But I got a 75! Grrrr! Then I had to fuck up my science essay. my dad likes this stars stuff and in the end he was like, okay I'll just do your citations go do your math homework, which works out very well on my part. still, I was too tired to move and so was he--goodbye good grade. and maximum 150 points on that project, my God, I'm so screwed. gotta throw a presentation together by Wednesday. anxiety returning. hello old friend.
My mom's annoyed at the school 'cause of the homework load. can't say I disagree. all I do after school is piano once a week and guitar on the weekend, and I'm up all night doing homework. no wonder I'm fucking up on a semi-regular basis now; I'm tired. Tired beyond reason. Not a normal fatigue, no, just a general exhaustion at the overwhelming magnitude of...stuff. yes, because that's so eloquent, right Naomi? well, you get my idea. I want to be done with this last week before Christmas, because physically doing anything is killing me. It kinda feels like I've no time for anything anymore, not even music or books or TV, which is pretty sad because I've been rocking that whole premature middle aged "my life is slipping away" thing at the moment, and this only makes it worse. Sigh. High school.
Shining light of hope is a possible snow day on Monday. At the very least, yes, we get snow! I've gotten so adapted to white Christmases it'd feel weird without one now. to think I was worried--bah. around eight inches. lovely. and a day off school, please.
I finally got round to getting a Christmas sheet music book. Can already play simple versions of a few songs. I used to be able to play Walking in The Air but I need to re-remember. speaking of that, my mom got The Snowman DVD for me, last copy in the store, and I was pleased because A.) I didn't think such a find would be possible and B.) the film is beautiful. That was one of my favorite songs when I was younger. I was more musically oriented than I was aware when I was younger. that and Brother Bear and Kaiser Chiefs. anyway, point being, it's starting to feel like christmas. We're getting our tree tomorrow(none of that plastic crap. see my last post.) and I see lights everywhere and there will be snow. I'm seeing my aunt on Wednesday. this time next week I'll be watching a DVD with my family and eating baked potatoes and making mince pies. traditions. whoever says Christmas is overrated in the name of their angst is moronic--Christmas is the best.
oh, I saw Weezer on Tuesday. basically amazing. I do love Rivers Cuomo and his fantastic nerd rock. The place I saw them is this spectacular crumbling wannabe opera house. It has these little balconies with a name I don't know that stick out from the sides. those little boxes, you know the type. and at one point Rivers climbs on top of them while singing Pork and Beans, and then he climbed from these boxes to the balcony(or, was pulled up. the gap was like his whole body length.) and then sang all of Beverly Hills in the balcony, where I, on the floor, couldn't see him. it was wonderful. They played hits, had an intermission, made some guy come up with a power point of Weezer's history( total nerdgasm right there) and then played the blue album back to front. I've never seen a band perform an entire album, and it was interesting. sadly I was falling asleep for some of that. Dammit high school, you ruin so much. But I got to walk through Boston in my River Island concert boots and my mom's old jacket like I'm from My Chemical Romance pre good music. It was snowing a bit then, too.
relaxing week apart from all that, although in fairness the stress was about 95% of my week. gym was super great today. teacher read my tired mind and let us do anything. we played four square and blasted christmas music. I still dislike girls in my class but oh well. Me and these people in study are reading my crumbling copy of the Color Purple which I'm rereading because I love it to death, and they just end up grimacing. it's disrespectful, and funny in a sick way.
OH, House of leaves! It's a book my Mark Z Danielewski who wrote Only Revolutions. I went fangirl briefly about it in October. Fact; OR is awful compared to this book. it's 700 hundred something pages long, rather crazy, and took more than two weeks for my slow brain to finish. the day before last, I closed the book with some sadness. It was the sort of book that i would love to go on forever. the book's super complex, very deep, very interesting, very weird, very, well, good. and so beautiful. as much a horror story as a love story and deeply fascinating. plus, the guy's such a poet. title quote.I don't know, I like it. read it. you won't regret it.
I'm gonna spend my evening with Guy Garvey's sultry tones(did I just say that) and my latest obsession that is fashion blogs. like everyone else.
good night.
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