l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n. also hey it's summer.

I tried to title this with something not relating to summer, so I wrote the name of this Noah & the Whale song that I have a love/hate relationship with at the moment. but then I gave up. hey it's summer.

it rained all day. On the 2nd day of summer. Can you believe it? Today did not feel like summer at all. I slept for twelve hours, played Animal Crossing, read, and did online stuff. It was more than good, just not summer-like. It'll get better, no doubt. It's just that this time last year I was outside for almost all of the day. Not that I'm unhappy, mind you! I feel very good indeed.

Right now is great. All is great.

there's nothing better than getting a new edition of Q in the afternoon, and spending a night running through their entire 50 Essential Tracks to Download This Month. It's a shame my tastes seem to be drifting further away from my favorite music mag. I'm more NME than Q, ugh yuck I don't want this to be happening. It's just that I can't handle too much psych country rock. I'm afraid I really can't.

Oh yay, one of these is actually goooood. Really good. it's called Twice and it's by Little Dragon. 'Moodtronica' should actually be a new, official hipster-approved genre of music. We have 'tronica' that that and the other but there's so much of it nowadays, more specifics still would be helpful.

Music over summer is fun. I think I'm gonna reprise my Tim Minchin love, as I discovered him about a year ago and I used to go on walks listening to If I Didn't Have You and at night speak the words to Storm to myself in my bedroom until I had them memorized. I should order his new-ish CD, I really should. He has new merch, too. Yay merch.

And woah oh my god, Frank Turner wrote an a capella song about William II. Um, awesome? Yes.

ANYWAY.

turns out the last two finals days would be rather less unsettling than Friday's, which was very much a good thing. Monday I only had one final--Science. This is the big one. Thought it was easy enough...I found out my results the following day, I guess they were alright. I stumbled on the essay, only cause I didn't put enough effort into it beforehand. I gave up a few weeks ago. Finished well within the time and got out of there. I met up with a few people I vaguely know, some of them wandered off, so I went downtown with one friend. Along the way I met with four other people, three of whom I didn't even know, and we went to a convenience store and hung around there, and then to the library. We drew pictures and bothered the people working there. Then the people we met went elsewhere, and we found a group of four other people, and I actually know all of them so that was very much a step up. We went out for lunch(greasy pizza, woohoo), walked around town, got candy, went to CVS and met people, went to the park, and one of my friends climbed up a tree. It was quite funny. i guess I don't know these people well enough to start actual conversations(I don't talk very much.) but it was a whole lot of fun nonetheless. I didn't wanna catch the bus, so two of these friends walked with me as I found my mom and she drove me home. I'm gonna miss them. It's odd. But really, good way to end what was technically the end to work for the year.

Tuesday was just World Civ, presenting a project. No work required. I spent the morning with people I don't really know, and then went through a whole issue as I'd left my textbook at home. No matter, though. my teacher had brought his four year old daughter in so no attention was paid to anyone else. From where I sit I've no one to talk to, though, so that's a bit annoying. I didn't mind; I just wanted it to be done. My presentation was a train wreck; I couldn't see most of the powerpoint from my angle. Who cares! I was pretty freaked out but my apathy at the end of the school year almost overcame it. The bell rang and everyone scrambles to the door. End of the year. What a strange feeling.

I'm a sophomore, guys.

I met up with some actual friends this time and we went downtown. We ate out and then walked for ages to get to an organic food place, where we tried on straw hats and drew on each other in suspiciously lurid lipstick. Sooo much fun! Then later in the evening, the friends came round again and we made a cake for Brandon Flowers' birthday and played Animal Crossing. Also we did dares and mine failed so I ate a chocolate cupcake with mayonnaise and stuff in it. That is not deserving of a comment, mind. xD

Soooo, freshman year in review. How can I write anything without being overly sentimental? It is a tough thing to master, for sure. I'll say I had a good year. In fact, I'll say this has probably been my favorite year since, what, 3rd grade? Yeah, definitely. I liked this year. I wasn't completely surrounded by total fucking idiots, bigots, and people who made me feel terrible. This, I like. Also the teachers were, for the most part, good. at the very least they didn't hold onto the middle school mentality that we're also so special and unique and let's be creative rather than productive cause that'll totally help you out in the long run. High school it's like 'you're here, you work, you leave. End of' and because I'm pretty weird, I like that. I liked meeting new people. I liked study, I liked the Friday before Halloween, I liked lunch, I liked laughing at my geometry teacher, I liked clubs after school, friends, inside jokes, conversations in art, weird videos in health, laughing at my science teacher through the whole taxonomy unit, the panic everyone felt on a dreaded science test day and the frustration after they got their grades back, endless projects and videos in world civ, awesome books in english. mixed grades. late nights. shitty projects. shitty mornings. Pot Noodle, Shooting Stars, Peep Show, Fried Green Tomatoes At the Whistle Stop Cafe, Mark Z Danieleski, Nanowrimo, Halloween, ferris wheels, not enough snow and then too much snow, Christmas with my aunt and family, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, Tom Milsom, Tim Minchin, Florence & the Machine, fashion blogs, spring coming too late, Star Wars, the great Harry Potter reread, Black Swan, being cynical, angst, tumblr, Doctor Who' not remembering anything. but the people! They made it fun.

This whole year is actually just one big blur. I'm sorry that last paragraph was so shitty. I'm sorry this post is shitty. I'm sorry I'm swearing and I'm not being as happy as I should be with the arrival of summer. Whatever.

Point is this year has been fun and I'm happy and this summer's going to be fucking great(Niagara this weekend, England in August, V Festival, friends, YAY) and that I'm now going to do the one thing that truly means summer has arrived...

watch two episodes of Peep Show, in the early hours of the morning.

Hope all is well with you, too.

Best Intentions Bring Joyless Droughts.

Forth day in a row of staying up until one oclock or later. Let's see how long this can continue.

In other words, welcome to finals week everyone!

Blogspot decided to fuck up for three days straight, which is why Thursday's post might not match up with, like, the date and stuff. I don't know how obvious that is. But there you go. Blogspot's being nice again. This is inconvenient, as I should stop listening to Elbow and work on a 50-question science review packet. This isn't going to happen tonight.

I have two days left of school. I am 1/3 done with finals. You know, finals are always absolutely bizarre. It's also the one way in which high school is worse than middle school, cause finals are crazy. And not just the manic studying and the sleep deprivation and what have you, I mean what the actual final days are like. All told, they're pretty relaxed. at least they are for the 2nd semester, as no one really cares as much this time round. I guess this is only my 2nd time with finals, but they're not something I ever see myself getting used to. it's just..odd. Especially the way you just...take a test and leave. In middle school, you actually get to say goodbye to everyone. This goodbye actually usually draws itself out over most of the month of June, actually. In high school, unless you have a super relaxed class, you only say goodbye to your friends, not the acquaintances. And you never really get to talk with your teacher, it's just like "have a good summer" as if you weren't even in the slightest way affected by the previous five months of the class. I hate it, it's mad. I'm the sort of person who needs closure over the slightest things. This is why I find final days unsettling.

I've just been in the weirdest moods for the past few days. Who knew something so trivial could make you feel so many stupid things at once? I didn't. Also, I'm absolutely the only one who feels this way. Guess what I'm gonna say for the first time ever in a blog post? I am going to miss school. There, I said it! See, I'm getting emotional over everything. "This is the last time I am in this lunch and laugh at the creepy pedophile-like teacher". "This is the last time I get a science handout back, and spend the following 90 minute class glaring at the unsatisfactory grade". "This is the last time the pothead in my art class mills around my table and knocks some one's portfolio folder to the ground in a fit of giggles". Stupid stuff like that. I've gotten like that about everything. I don't know why this is happening. Cause it shouldn't be. It's worse when it comes to people you like, though. Not friends, cause you can see them over summer or talk to them on Facebook, but those people who you sort of like and will miss, but don't really know very well. I have a lot of those. And what if we're never in a class together again? This is all I think about, and it's so saddening! I'm sure I'll come back in September and it'll feel like no time has gone by at all, but that doesn't stop any of this sentimental crap.

Okay, end unnecessary teen angst nonsense. Time to get back to school stuff. For...the last time this year. School ends tuesday. Like, woah. What will I talk to you about over summer? I've yet to decide. Probably random stuff. Or something. Anyway.

Art class is over. I had a lesson on Tuesday & Thursday, and the final 1st block on Friday. Sad? Yes. You've no idea. Funny thing is, I loathed this class. I was with two people at my table who I like, and that is what makes me regret stuff. I just drew my picture for the entire time, then started painting, and it looks bad, but I don't care anymore. We were gonna have a written final, but that never happened. I wasted time this morning, I was supposed to be doing shadows, but that never happened. We talked about my teacher's obsession with shadows. The class was half empty, as you didn't have to come in if you'd finished your drawing. I didn't finish, but half heartedly passed it in regardless. I hated my teacher so we didn't really say bye.

Health is over, too. I had that final right after art(while everyone else got to go downtown...sucks). We only had one lesson since my last post, where we just watched a documentary about bullying and then reviewed and got a little project back. Nothing much. The final today was extremely simple--100 multiple choice questions. As long as you show up to class, you're guaranteed at least a 95. I was finished within twenty minutes. I'm gonna miss this class.

After that final, I went with my friend in my health class to see her friends. We went to an area outside the auditorium and ate skittles. they're the sort of friends who are all fluent in Nerdfighter talk, and like to do little dances to demonstrate physics principles, and you're just standing there maybe they're too nerdy for you. or you're nerdy too, but in a very different way. Or maybe you're more nerdy. Basically, it was very nerdy. Plus even with the skittles it doesn't stop the area from being cold or gray or there being obnoxious junior guys with scooters. I didn't really wanna hang around, honestly, so I told my friend I was going. I'm not gonna see her again this year, apart from in passing. She's probably one of the people I've gotten closest to this year, soooo that was majorly sad. Luckily the cafeteria was bright and I found a whole bunch of people to talk to. An abundance of people, really. Plus I saw my English teacher and she called me over and she told me I was a really good writer and asked me if I wanted to be a writer some day or if she wanted to switch my schedule around so I could double up on English, and it sounds like I'm bragging but no one's ever really been that enthusiastic about my writing, so that moment rocked. it's ironic because my writing abilities go to the dogs on here. And oh yeah, grammar? Nonexistent. Anyway, I had 90 minutes to kill between then and my English final so I tried to plan for the essay while being with a few people, except the place was so busy and I moved between like four different groups of people because I wanted to see everyone. Got caught up in a theist-atheist debate at one point. Then was probably not the time to get involved in such matters.

English final was good enough. Grammar, literary devices, analyze a poem, compare two of the books we've read this year. (Talking about love and hate in Tale of Two Cities and Romeo and Juliet oh yeah my essay sucked but whatever I have like a 97% in that class). I'm glad that I'm done with that class, because it was stressful and the essays were also terrible, but I enjoyed reading the books and the people in my class were nice enough. We didn't do much all this week, just finishing up Romeo And Juliet. we had to draw a picture to represent a specific speech. And it's graded. This is not okay. Also I did a portfolio, which is four essays, in one night and stayed up late to do it and it sucked and I got a 98%. This is deserving of an evil laugh on my point.

My science final is on Monday. I'm scared senseless. I have like a 92% in that class and an A is 92.5% I will be so upset if I'm an A-. We have a full study guide for it, so hopefully things will turn out okay. As long as studying is my life this weekend. Just one more weekend, and then I'm done with studying for three months! I desperately want an A in this class, I have tried so hard. All we've talked about this week is weather. I paid too little attention. She announced class was over, and it was the most strange thing you could imagine. The class is hell and it's almost over. Never has anything in my life caused as much stress as this class. But, I'm gonna miss some people.

All we did in World Civ this week was work on our final project. It was kinda good, as I was done within two days and basically got to read and study all of Wednesday and Thursday. It's funny how no one cares anymore. Like, in the social studies computer lab the teacher has a computer and on that he can see what everyone else is doing on their computers, and in January this scared us, but now all people do is play Qwop and write messages to our teacher via this computer system, and no one thinks twice about it. It's pretty fun, too. Our final is the last one I'm gonna take, on Tuesday, though all we're gonna do is present our projects. We'll probably get done early. Definitely a good way to end this year. Have I mentioned I'm gonna miss this class like crazy? So many decent people in it. Tuesday doesn't even bear thinking about, how weird it's gonna be when I leave the place. Bizarre. After that I'm gonna (hopefully) hang out with some friends, and then we're gonna make a birthday cake for Brandon Flowers. Y'know, reliving 7th grade.

I really don't know why I'm missing everything, and everyone else is missing nothing. I don't understand.

It's good that it feels like summer for the moment now. It's Saturday now(I started writing Friday night, but took a break). I'm outside and listening to Elbow. They have a song called With Love, and it is so so so beautiful and bright, it is absolute bliss. Elbow are playing round here in September, but it's 18+. Guess that's okay. I'm hoping for them again for V in 2012. That is, if V happens in 2012. The Olympics are fucking around with a lot of the music festivals next year.

Speaking of V! They organized their lineup yesterday, so now I know who is playing on what days. They added a few more people, too. It's looking good! The only issue is that Saturday is pretty clashtastic. People really are too rude about V, though; a few good bands are better than sitting around in your house all day, right? Right! So, anyway, on Saturday, the main stage is Fun Lovin Criminals first(this could not be a more perfect way to start a fest), and then Ziggy Marley, then KT Tunstall, then Bruno Mars, then Lostprophets, then Kaiser Chiefs, then Plan B, then Arctic Monkeys. I'll stay for KT Tunstall, Lostprophets for fun, but then Kaiser Chiefs!! oh my god, Kaiser Chiefs have the main stage sunset spot--this is the best spot of the day! And I'm looking forward to them most! This is just perfect. I'm gonna go in the KC moshpit for I Predict A Riot. I'm not as interested in the 2nd stage that day,though Jessie J will be fun. It's problematic cause I wanna see Razorlight on that stage only they will clash with Plan B and I need to see him if I wanna get a good place for the Arctic Monkeys. And, trust me, AM are amazing live in small venues, so at a festival they will be phenomenal. This also clashes with Glasvegas on the 3rd stage! But I'll probably get see Katy B there earlier in the day. 4th stage'll be good with an early afternoon Alex Winston set, Frankmusik later in the day, and some Airborne Toxic Event and Gomez in the evening if I can catch them. As for Sunday, main stage is Imelda May, Squeeze, Ellie Goulding, Scouting For Girls, Manic Street Preachers, The Script, Rihanna, and Eminem. The first two are always fun, probably gonna wander for the afternoon and maybe get back for the Manics or the Script, Rihanna sucks live but whatever, and then I simply have to stay for Eminem, if only for the Love The Way You Lie duet. There's some good early afternoon stuff on the 2nd stage, then I'm gonna ignore my music elitism for some pop punk there later in the day, simply must see the Wombats, and then if I'm lucky I'll see the wonderful psychedelic 90s Trip Hop Gods that are Primal Scream doing all of Screamadelica. 3rd stage I'm definitely seeing Hurts, and would love to ironically see Duran Duran if they weren't headlining. 4th stage is good stuff throughout the day, including I Am Kloot and Stornoway. To be honest, there are clashes everyfuckingwhere but I'll live through it. Also I'm going with my usual group of people, that is my mother, my sister, my dad, my three friends, their mom, and whatever friends they bring along. It's tricky because, while everyone's up for AM on saturday, we'll be all split up over Sunday. I reckon I'll stay for Eminem, as will my mom and my other friend, my dad'll be at Primal Scream or Pendulum, and my other friends for Duran Duran. What a mess! But regardless, I'm excited. And if you actually read all of this paragraph, you are to be commended, my friend.

I reckon I'll blog here on Wednesday, to catch you up on all the various emotions and what have you after the end of my freshman year. Until then, bye.

Homework Has Made Me Go Peep Show Cold Turkey(Almost)!

Hello.

You know what I miss? Being bored. Having time. Doing nothing. All of that. I'm having a particularly difficult time with homework lately, I'm not sure why. Yes, everyone is sort of struggling with keeping up with its enormous amount, but I in particular seem to be having problems. In terms of time, especially. Okay, so I do sort of do homework on and off during the day, but still, it's not that bad and I started at 2:55, finished at about eight oclock. And I had study hall today! This. Is. Madness. In fact, forget that, this is unhealthy and ridiculous. Perhaps it's the fault of the classes. I could go into an easier class...but I don't think my self esteem could forgive me. It sounds silly but I couldn't live with that.

And this is why I'm on the verge of tears, losing my mind, panicking, and half considering giving up entirely. I cannot do this.

Hell, guess what, I was having a panic after I'd finished my HW, and my mum knows of my new obsession and how indulging it would help me feel better, she was like "Okay, we can watch an episode of Peep Show later". And do you know what I said? I said "I don't think I have time, but maybe". Becuse that is the truth. And when I, who can average four or five episodes of this show on a day on a weekend, cannot fit in one episode on a weekday because of homework, then you know something has gone seriously wrong. and it's very sad. I miss my daily Mark Corrigan fix. But more I miss the knowledge that that fix is a given--depdent on nothing.

Right now I'm gonna blog on both(both as in plural, yes--www.mykingdomforonelastdance.blogspot.com) blogs and listen to The National's High Violet with my big headphones. and it will help. I'm not exactly sure what Matt Berninger is singing about a lot of the time, but all I know is he seems pretty down, too, and he is a baritone so it is very comforting.

The ironic thing is, I may hate school when I'm a t home, but I like it when I'm there. Actually, I like it a lot. In some ways the classes are killing whatever self confidence I had before, but today I brought my iPod on the bus, I read my book in the both vile and relaxing experience that is lunch and my lunch table, only got slightly bored in physical science, found geometry moved easily and fast, and Spanish isn't half bad. I like the classes. It's kinda testing my introvetrtedness but it's easy to fight back, and waking up is a pain, but it pays off. I quite like my teachers. And study hall or gym at the end of the day. it's good. The only thing I'm seriously worried for is Wednesday without study hall, when I have piano, and I don't know what I'll do.

I have had no time for piano and I feel very upset, because I was moving so well with it last year. I can only blog some days. I can't spend time finding new bands online. I haven't had the chance to draw all week. I haven't done guitar in forever. Some days I can't even read. In these afternoons, I am a bt miserable.

Oh, I am a whiny teenager, aren't I?

Anyway, it doesn't help to have a crap week because I had such an amazingly relaxing weekend. Saturday I went to the mall with my family and Natalie's friend. It was mostly for the friend but the mall is the only thing of a very commercial nature(except some of the onternet, I suppose) that I can stomach right now and I haven't been in a while and it was really fun. I looked around the clothes shops but didn't buy. On an other note, it's getting weirder and weirder, mainstream fashion, sort of. Also, while I will never forgive FYE for not having Libs or Babyshambles or Peter Doherty(a February '10 obsession, FYI), I do give them credit for Jonsi and Freelance Whales. I've only had the chance for FW so far but what I've heard is profoundly beautiful. Give me twee lyrics any day, I don't care! Wire my heart to your synthesizers please. Your music is so beautiful. Also, I got a smoothie and got out of the house. Oh, and on Monday me and my mom went fruit picking I can't beleieve I don't do it more, it's one of my favorite activites, I guess you could say. it's great being out in the summer sun, picking rasberries, looking under peach trees, and then we got icecream and the farm is so...farmlike and so absolutely folksy and lovely. I'm in love with that place. The sun says it's still summer--so, in my book, it is.

One thing I've mixed feelings on. Could the stores please stop saying it's autumn? Because it. is. not. autumn. yet. I don't like autumn that much. Okay, I suppose there's something stunning and hypnotic about the leaves, halloween, the nice weather, fruit picking again, goingfor walks, all of that. Autumn was amazing for me last year. actually, what am I saying, I love autumn. Love it. But it's not summer. Only I can see something as beautiful as autumn and think "everything is...dying", right? It's just I can seriously barely handle the winter I hate it so much and from January, February, to March, I don't know what I'll do. it's a good thing it's only September.

The only other news is that I've spent the week opposing the common 21st century idea of 'feminism'. I really wanna discuss it so much but I'm done here. I haave organge juice, music, and the internet. In 8th grade I would say time to kill--now I would say time to savor. I hope next time I write here I'm in a better mood.

Until then!

- Naomi