relatively quick and messy post

Science quiz to study for (stressed? Why, of course) but I haven't blogged in a while. So this is gonna be a relatively quick and messy post. More messy than my messier-than-messy usual blogging style, anyway.

Weekend was wonderful! Started studying and the like--Saturday was a really, really nice day, went for a walk and some friends came round to watch the new Doctor Who episode. The episode was great, plus my friends are wonderful, and they like to play Qwop and go on Chatroulette and give STDs to my furniture. As for the episode, it was as great as I've come to expect. Thoughts--#1 PIRATES. I love pirates. Pirates are the best. Yes, pirates. #2. I want Amy's pirate coat thing...it's swishy and gray and unisex. I love all things swishy and gray and unisex, don't you know. #3. Lily Cole was every bit as boring as the witch demon thing as I'd expected...go back to just being a model, please. #4 Why does Rory fail so much at...adventures? Like, you'd have thought he'd have picked up some Doctor Who survival tips by now, but noooo, he just goes and gets himself killed by doing stupid stuff every other episode, and then through some inexplicable turn of events, he is revived. Some time soon when Rory dies, I want the Doctor to just be like ...'y'know what? fuck it. I'm done with this. Come on Amy, we're off, I'm done with this idiot'. See, I really do have a very serious case of If It's Doctor Who Without David Tennant and Billie Piper Then I Hate Everyone Involved. Which is...not good, but I can't help it. #5 Moffat is sooo good, we're three episodes in and I'm loving these plot lines more than I did in the last series. #6 I thought the whole concept of the Black Spot was really good...reminds me of something, though. it's probably super obvious but I can't remember. #7. The Tardis acting of its own accord...like woah, weird. #8. Totally didn't know what was going on towards the end with the hospital thing. #9. No River Song in this episode? Shame, I would've wanted her to be more of a regular this series round. #10. AMY, ARE YOU PREGNANT ARE NOT? LIKE, WHAT IS GOING ON?

Sunday I went to a Steampunk Festival with my family. Great fun, loads of hipsters in ripped tights and combat boots and the like. Got an overpriced but lovely nonetheless doll necklace. Because everyone needs a creepy doll necklace, no?

Health--Talking about AIDs again and again and again, over and over and over again. Got started on my Bipolar project, which is proving to be interesting enough so far...it's a shame the Secret Life of the Manic Depressive documentary isn't online in full. I hear it's a really good documentary, very informative and the like, plus it's got Stephen Fry in it! For one thing, Stephen Fry is delightful in just about any situation, but because he really doesn't talk about his Bipolar, it'd be very insightful indeed. Damn copyright laws, right? And apparently Jo Brand and Carrie Fisher, whom I both really like, are featured in the documentary too. It won awards! Damn you Youtube! Anyway in health today some cops came in with drug dogs(two Germany shepherds! I love German Shepherds.) talked about the usual drugs are bad etc. etc. etc. and then watched the dog go for one of the guy's arms. Fun. But cold first thing in the morning.

Art--I did nothing all week. Nothing whatsoever. I couldn't think of anything for the new project so I twiddled my thumbs and read and listened to the endless stream of stupid conversations that people at my table like to have. I have to come up with a theme tonight--four things that go together in a theme. Book covers? Album covers? Jesus, I don't know. I don't want to do this class right now. I get headaches and put everything off to the last minute and I just want to do homework instead of doing art.

Science--Taxonomy, going through all the phylums, looking at specimens of each(Worms! So many worms! I can handle just about any organism on the planet...apart from worms. That wasn't a good moment). We had a sub a few days ago so we just did a handout the entire time...and better yet, last week we had a firedrill right as the teacher was about to start talking! Fantastic! Everyone had resorted to despising this class. The hate that flows from my peers(and to some extent, me) is unprecedented in my school career so far. Like, when we had the sub, someone said "I die everytime I'm walking in the hallway to get to this class. And now...it feels like I've been reborn". And people sort of waved their hands and lost their minds like they'd just won an an award or something. Very confusing! But funny too. No one can even be bothered to hide their hate anymore. The teacher walks around and we openly discuss to our neighbors how we hate this class. I hate this class, I hate this class, and I fall asleep every day. Really. Plus, I have to worry about like I don't know, actually legitimately not failing quizzes. Most of the time in most science classes, if you at least shop up to class and stay awake, you're guaranteed to get at least a D-. Not in this class. Anything more than a 75 then you're labelled a genius. Rightfully so, to be honest. I typed up a sort of study guide for this quiz. Nine pages. Nine. And this was the most condensed version I could come up with. Nine pages, I know nothing, I understand nothing, I have no time for studying tomorrow or Wednesday, and if I don't convince my mother that I should get a day off school to study under the guise of 'I WILL HAVE A PSYCHOTIC MELTDOWN IF I GO TO SCHOOL TODAY'(I say guise when really...this isn't too hyperbolic), then I will...I...I don't even know. This is insane, guys. Absolutely fucking crazy. Lord help me, I'm losing my mind thanks to a science teacher.

Renaissance in World Civ! Finally! Blaise Pascal and Martin Luther and Da Vinci and yesyesyesyes so much fun! We got to watch a documentary about Martin Luther friday and today. He's genuinely one of my favorite historical figures of all time, so I really enjoyed how much we talked about that. We took a few notes and such. I barely consider World Civ a 'proper' class, it's such a breeze. Though--sigh--we'll probably get yet another project again soon...ugh, so many projects.

English! Tale of Two Cities! Vocab, analysis, looking for details that I'm pretty sure don't exist. Usually, I actually prefer reading books in class than reading them outside, for some reason. But this...this is just killing this book for me. I know, I just know, that if I was reading this outside of school, I would really like it. But in school there's so much pressure, not to mention so much homework and debating and things. My teacher takes being pretentious about books to a whole other extreme, trust me. Her and her unecesserily extensive dictionaries and Catcher In The Rye poster and fucking Wordsworth paperweights. Admittedly my comprehension of books is really shabby but this is just testing this too much. Oh and did I mention she never stops talking about the SATs. I just want to scream "I'm 15! We're freshman! Stop with this! We don't care! We shouldn't be expected to care! Stop!" Sighsighsigh. And I still have Tale of Two Cities questions tonight, no big deal. I'm gonna totally get the answers waaaay off from whatever Mr. Dickens intended(sorry Charles.) and we're probably gonna do a fishbowl tomorrow and she's gonna be like 'Why didn't you speak, Naomi?" and I'll be thinking "really, is the point of human communication to just ramble off about whatever nonsense pops into your mind? NO. NONONO. Because if you want me to just talk about the first thing that pops into my head then, yeah, I can do that, but as for it contributing to any sort of 'debate' about Syndey Carton or whatever, I can't guarantee that's gonna happen. So shall I just stay silent?". But really I'll just say 'I...don't know. I didn't have anything to say". And I don't know why I do well on essays or why I got 100% on my portfolio or why grammar comes naturally to me, sorta; BUT, I do know that I am going to analyze this book to death.

And then my angst makes me, like explode. Really. I heard someone say today "Science last block is so boring that it fells like I'm going to...explode" and I was thinking 'yes, I'm using that'. so that's what happens, everyone--I will explode.

Oh yeah, seeing Manchester Orchestra w/ Cage the Elephant tomorrow. Excited? YES. New MO stuff is so good, and I've decided Mean Everything to Nothing is one of my favorite albums. I'm not so familiar with CtE but I really like the new album and the one from a couple years ago(debut? not sure.) is okay too. Why CtE are opening for manchester Orchestra, and not the other way round, I will never quite understand. Sometimes at this venue the openers do signings after. Metting Cage the Elephant? I would die of happiness. Can you comprehend how adorasble Matt Shultz is? pfft, I doubt it. I'm so excited.

Also, I might be seeing Richard III in London over the summer with my mom and aunt. I don't really see plays very often...apparently both my parents 'had seen some Shakespeare when they were my age' so...I wanna go. But I wanna read Hamlet, really, and Macbeth, more than Richard III. Suppose I should read it first. Oh I'm so excited that I just might be becoming my English teacher.

I have plant anatomy to try and fail to understand. Good night everyone.

March 12th.

This guy is awesome. It doesn't get much better than that.

This weekend is going to be hell. I have a science test monday, which covers everything from the beginning of the semester(6 weeks ago) onwards, I have a science project due Monday that I haven't started, and I have a health project due Thursday that I haven't started. Add this to liberal amounts of La Roux and Star Wars and I'm in for a busy weekend.

The science test is going to be a massive disaster, because you know when you get a 99% on a quiz the following test is going to be catastrophically awful, thatt's just the way these things work. I'm going/being forced to go to the library Sunday to study with the girl who sits next to me. I never quite understood this mutual studying thing but hey, every little helps**. The health project is pretty basic--write a three page paper about myself, answer some questions, decorate + fill a paper bag with ten things that summarize me. Needless to say writing three pages all about me will be a walk in the park, sad how I could do that any day. The value statements are just about what makes me happy/sad and where I wanna be in five years time, all that usual Health stuff. (do you know how much bs I'm gonna have to stuff into this project? D'you think I could answer this stuff honestly? pfft, as if. Don't the teachers know that half the stuff we write in All About You projects is completely made up?). The paper bag element is more problematic. What does symbolize me, anyway?

(This week was the week of private school acceptance letters. The madness of this, which I despise and like to rant about at every oppurtunity, makes me feel so fucking Holden Caulfield it makes me sick. That's who I am, isn't it? I'm him. I'm the very stereotype I wish to avoid. I spend so much time going on about how kids are forced to know their career choices before they want to and how we're forced into privaye schools and looking good for collages, that my CV's literally just gonna read "catcher of small children before they fall over a cliff". SIGH.) I don't know why the last paragrapjh led to this, but it did. Private schools aren't even worth that much. If you're smart you're smart, wherever you go, and you'll get into a good college. Public schools suck, but private schools are just expensive, elitist, overrated public schools. I don't see the big deal. The ordeal makes me sad.

The science project is worst of all. My three partners need to keep their egos in check. Yesterday we were planning to meet up in the science room before school. The male person in our group was all too fast to declare that he'd have NO problem WHATSOEVER with showing up before school. So I show up and there are the other towo people. Okay. He never shows up. Is he such a narcissist that he literally thinks he's too good for the person he was yesterday? Is that the extent of his arrogance? Because it's pathetic. The other two girls in my group got to cleaning out their turtle tank which flooded and was then having a sort of lettuce overload, and thenpone of their boyfriends came(who is perfectly boring. I'd never seen him in real life before). Mornings on G days are usually reserved for sitting alone in the health room listening to music that I'm too embarassed to listen to at times when I'm with people who might hear and recognise the song. It's a valuable part of the day. And I lost that because of someone else's overly high self esteem. I was not very happy. And I'm not very happy with writing about glaciers for hours upon hours this weekend.

I really despise homework-heavy weekends. It always feels like I never left school and I have school for a whole fortnight which is awful. I look half-dead right now even though this week wasn't terribly bad.


The snow is melting here really fast. We had an amazing sunset today and I was able to go outside in a sweatshirt to take crappy photos and I wasn't even cold. It was an amazing moment. I cannot wait for spring...I miss wearing shorts even though I shouldn't. and spring music--the Kooks, yeah I'm gonna sink that low. Although Naive is a nice little song in my opinion. But I like Razorlight more. Don't kill me!

I'm not doing Lent but in health I have to give up something for a week. Yeah, like they're really gonna control my life that much. A friend suggested I give up coffee, because I don't drink coffee in the first place. So that's what I'm doing. Health isn't too bad actually, for health, you don't do anything. Health is good because it's not art--any project which is "limited only by your imagination" instantly gets my heart racing. I'm not a creative person. And don't all your artists start telling me that everyone's creative, because that's crap and I know it even if you don't. We're doing op art. I would've thought I could handle this because when I doodle everything's really geometic, I must draw like a hundred triangles every day for no reason to the point of hating triangles. But alas my brain can't even wake up enough for that I so opted for the People Who Aren't Artists choice, which is basically writing my name loads of times and stuff. It's awful, but there we go. I have art three times next week and I really, really don't want to go to school because of it. worst. class. of the day. not joking.

We watched a video about Marco Polo in World Civ for like two days and we didn't even finish it. Crappy movie but lovely timewaster, And Kublai Khan was white in this? Even though every other Asian person was portrayed by an Asian actor? That was really quite strange. Today we started talking about Feudalism--proud to say I don't care and don't know everything about it, though my class expected me to be a master. I wish people would know how much I don't like the royal family. Why do people assume I give my absolte obedience to them? I don't! If you think this then you're just ignorant, and yet this view 'round here is so, so common that it's scary. They don't know anything about the UK. We have real politics and stuff too, guys...it's not all earls and barrons(I don't even know what those are) and such. People in this country seem to be incapable of grasping the completel insignificance of the royal family in the UK. When the stuff about the royal wedding came out, all these womens magazines were gushing over it and I was like "wait, what? who's getting married?". I can give you a pretty good list of the history of the UK's monarchs off the top of my head, but that's my nerdy party trick, that doesn't mean I actually know about the royal family or feudalism or anything like that, god. People think we live in the middle ages, dead serious, and it's pathetic. It's good that my world civ teacher mentioned how the Family are just for ceremonial purposes, but still, some people think we're so backwater. Don't talk to me about your fucking democracy, cause it all comes from English stuff.(which comes from Greek stuff. BUT MY POINT REMAINS.) We're not so oldfashioned. Our political system's fucked up, but any American would tell me in a heartbeat that theirs is too. So just because we were once imperalists and we still have knights, doesn't mean we're behind. it's working okay for us, as it is for Belgium, Denmark, Luzemborg, the Netherlands, Norway, Spain, Sweden, and the other reaosnably developed constitutional monarchies, mkay? we're in the same boat whther you'd admit it or not. And also I don't pledge random allegience to my country.


AND while I'm into this orgy of ignorant anti-Americanism, there's this Facebook group that says "Japan gave us sushi, Germany gave us cars, Americans gave us the light bulb, and England...well, England gave us something to laugh at". Fuck you. Don't you know the rest of the world is laughing at you? And I'm sorry for the many decent Americans(and yes, there are many, many of them out there) for having to deal with these ignorant double digit IQ conservative wankers. Surely, you cannot look at what most people see as your culture, and think you come off well? Fast food, crappy TV, religious maniacs, the jury's still out on abortion, the death sentence is okay, homophobia, racism, sexism, gun-owning, ignorance, sensationalism? And that's totally okay, right? That's not totally laughable? We're far, far from perfect in about a billion ways, but this Brit is not claiming to hate an entire country. Not even this hell hole.

(PS, an Englishman invented the lightswitch. Good luck turning your lightbulb on without it, you dick).

(PPS, whenever Germany comes up in conversation for whatever reason, the word Nazi is fast to follow it. I've heard some seriously erroneous beleifs on Germany and Nazi-occupied Germany, and for some reason people seem to hate the country, and yet now they've decided they're awesome for this FB group.)

(PPPS, speaking of Japan, I saw a blog post the other day with these artsy pictures followed by "My heart is with Japan today". Fuck you too, you used a tragedy as an excuse to post Tumblr pictures to your blog, that's vile. Sad thing is, you're not the only one. I'm not claiming to go rushing out there right now to save everyone, or indeed to be taking any action at all. Call me cruel, but you're exactly the same, only difference being I'm honest about it.)

Where did that all come from? Jesus.

English was a nightmare this week--grammar test Wednesday, vocab test thursday, short story test Friday. what planet does my teacher live on? The first two were stresful but basically okay, whereas yesterday's was not a fun experience. It was pretty predictable, but the essay, oh the essay, was something else. First off, we read a story and we're given six literary devices and asked to explain three of them in relation to the story and it's theme. Dull stuff, but to be expected. But the last part, describe how these devices 'place this story in the short story genre'. Okay, hang on, last time I checked, there are two qualifacations to become a short story. One, you must be a story. Two, you must be short. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO THAT? It has nothing to do with characterization, duh! God. Now she's gonna give me a C because she rambles on and on about how if we miss out a part of the prompt that the world is literally gonna explode, or something, but what was I supposed to write to that? All the other classes are reading Tale of Two Cities and stuff, ugh.

Oh yeah, my cousin's visiting next weekend. He's moved to Chicago in september. It'll be awkward but I don't see my family much, tiny as we are.

I'm being perfectly boring, but all I wanna do is sleep and watch TV and listen to Yann Tiersen. I apologize. But...goodnight.


**Speaking of that, someone in the cagereria the other day had a plastic Tescos bag. A PLASTIC TESCOS BAG. My mind was blown.

Sooo.

so what happened with the star signs thing? I payed no attention to the actual thing, only what I am now. Was a Taurus, now an Aries. I look at Aries so called personality traits I'm like, what the fuck, I'm not an Aries. I wanna be a Taurus again. I don't suppose you care but there we go.

It is the week before finals and all hell has broken loose, at least in my head. I keep telling myself I'm going to study but I don't which is stupid then I get stressed, then I worry I'm thinking about finals too much, then I get stressed some more, and then I probably sleep. UGH. stupid finals. I got my schedule today--science 1st block thursday, gym 4th block thursday, geometry 1st block friday, spanish 4th block friday. I was gonna have my gym final(you might at this point be going "uh, gym final?!. I wholeheartedly agree.) on Wednesday but it got moved. I could've eaten out for lunch, got out of school by 10:30. Also in my experience, my brain(stress part plus, uh, science-doing part) need a rest after any science test. or something. functioning life for a whole day after a science final is not possible.

then of course geo and spanish, ugh. I have to do bits of the Spanish final through the week, but the main part is on that one day. I have to memorize the answers to 35 questions this weekend. and, geometry, whilst the easiest by a long way, is probably just enough to send me over the edge. funny, right?

But I'm looking forward to a long weekend. Then I got the next Monday+Tuesday off and the new semester starts Wednesday. Finally got my messed up schedule right. Art, health, environmental science, world civ, and english, for some reason I'm excited. Is it just me or is this year the fastest year ever? Nearly half way through already. and we're halfway through january aren't I supposed to be so melodramatic this time of year? what is going on? I actually like winter this year(where did that come from)--soooo excitied for February. snow and darkness and Peter Doherty, hell yes. just need to get through this damn week.

HEY GUESS WHAT. Tim Minchin(have I mentioned my plans for a polygamic--is that a word?*--marriage with Tim Minchin, Mark Corrigan, and Matt Bellamy? No? Should do that some time) was on some rubbish-y late night talk show that no one in their right mind watches, this week. Tim's trying qat this 'breaking America' thing. this was his US TV debut. I reeeeaaally hopes he makes it here. Inflatable You seemed to go down well--shame he won't get away with much more. He's perfecting his skill of avoiding bear cans being thrown at his head, at this very moment,and then he'll be ready and we'll have forgotten all about Russel Brand by 2010. can't. wait.

I'm supposed to be writing stuff for spanish, therefore this is a post of nothingness. in review of my last few days

- there was a bomb threat at school.
- I have come to the realisation that I must live with at least one obsession at a time. good? bad?
- Tim Minchin has an ironic Jesus door hanging. yes, that's right, an IRONIC JESUS DOOR HANGING. A hugr picture of Jesus, several square feet. Actually I'm not really sure what it is, but oh my god, where did he get it, I must have it now, I literally died of amazement when I saw he had those. can't wait to confuse my parents with that come my birthday.
- I have a science test on Tuesday for no reason whatsoever. not to be melodramatic(psh, when have I ever done that?) but I think I may actually be dead before finals come around.
- bat for lashes is brilliant.
- if someone says you will have a double snow day, don't trust them.
- I have a B- in Science and I think I already died a bit.
- I have about a 103% in Spanish which leaves me thoroughly confused.
- Note; don't get into fashion logs. you will never escape.

that is about it I'm afraid. back to the madness. bye.

*whether this is a word or not, I just found out the term for women marrying multiple men is in fact 'polyandry'. you learn something every day.

school tomorrow. it's an angst-athon.

school tomorrow and feeling pretty horrible about it. haven't felt this bad since...oh yeah, the last time I was back at that place.


I've found I tend to like school until this exact point in time every year(if three years counts as every year). this is the point at which point everything, all the happiness and warmth and kindness, starts to crumble away. homework is killing me--no really, I almost literally cannot do it. Music, books, TV, sleep--boring but, yes, they are my bread and butter. high school, I would like those things back, please. now. or else my being starts to deteriorate. and thus, potential angst becomes kinetic angst. tada.


I'm probably gonna find out how my science project went tomorrow. here's another chapter to the now-forgotten Peep Show Moment of the Post Chronicles; "allakazoo allakazam, let's see just how fucked I am" - Mark. Good isn't it? And appropriate. I'm expecting for the essay...gosh, I dunno, could honestly be anywhere from an F to an A, it's all about the damn bibliography. handout, a B minus. presentation...B? C? it's anyone's call. My. grade. is. such. a. mess. It's not even in the A range anymore which is massively annoying. grrr. I would like at least honors this term. this is all causes insane amounts of stress and makes school increasingly unpleasant. then of course finals are in about three weeks and I'm worried if I let myself think of them too much, I will have some sort of break down or aneurysm. is there more than one sort of aneurysm? whatever, science is gonna be a disaster in the grades/sanity respect, geometry not good generally, spanish not good and annoying as hell, gym horrible, all round things are pretty bad.




good thing I have a study hall tomorrow. three hours of homework, they say? yeah, maybe if my homework was at my (12-year-old) sister's level. no, it's actually closer to five. or more! depending. people think I'm crazy when I do a very insignificant portion of my homework during the ten or so minutes of free time I have during lunch. but I'm not! I just want to have a life! How come everyone else can manage and I have to resort giving up half my lunch break? actually, some good ol' snobby Richard Dawkins literature is more on the menu tomorrow, unless I have ridiculous amounts of homework(more likely than not), but my point stands. too much goddamn homework! It's so sad.




then of course there's the people. with the except of a handful of nice people, most of whom I rarely see, I've concluded that everyone is naive, boring, shallow, and mostly, utterly, utterly trite. this does include a lot of the people I know to be vastly more intelligent, talented, thoughtful, and friendly than myself, because even they inexplicably end up fitting in same lame stereotype. they are all the same and it's beyond me how they could even turn out that way. am I much better? probably not, I'm just a kinda mishmash of my odd mind and whatever society has thrown at me. it bothers me nonetheless. get your own damn personality, okay? also, don't start talking about 'drama' because honestly unless this directly affects me I couldn't be less interested in her and him and her and her and her and her and she said this which caused her to say that which caused someone to join too many whiny Facebook groups. your friendships are petty and fake and you just need to grow up. and for another matter, don't call me 'sweet', don't call me normal, don't tell me what I think about(yes, this happens.), don't tell me how I behave, don't assume stuff about me. I'm done. I shall become a recluse and live off Richard Avedon photos, fashion blogs, and sugar. I want to be rid of these people.



back to the world of being forced to talk, too, often by my geometry teacher. like, screw that. If someone at my table wants help with a math problem then I will help you as best I can(probably). however, I very much enjoy working by myself and become such a self-absorbed bitch when told to do otherwise. that can't be helped very easily, I'm afraid. believe it or not, 21st Century America, there's nothing wrong with this side of my personality and I can't help it. my geometry teacher would rather us have too many recreational conversations in class than not talk at all. that makes perfect sense. people say the most stupid things and I'm the odd one for not commentating my entire life. keep it in your head, please. I think the desirability of these traits in this culture is very, very sad indeed.



misanthropy session over, happy new year everyone. I spent New Years eve drawing a poster with my sister, in Dunkin Donuts, dreading tomorrow, watching DVDs and the like. I don't actually like new years that much. I'm the only one who finds something decidedly hollow in the fireworks and the champagne and the staying up till midnight. something about the endlessness and insignificance of it all--quite the contrary to what most people feel, I know. also the knowledge of january's arrival is lonesome. I'm pretty much dead until April. though, weirdly I was comfortable with bare arms yesterday it was so warm, and the snow's melting. I went for a walk. our car got stuck in the barely-there snow. it's also an FJ Cruiser. a couple levels of irony there.



today I went to the mall. 'bout it. I watched Getting On for hours on end. feeling pretty terrible for most of it, due to reasons mostly explained above. I'm here now. listening to iron and wine. I'm avoiding my homework. did I mention feeling pretty terrible? yeah, that too!



I want to sleep and week up for FRebruary vacation.



I'm gonna go now, I need to get my bag and rest. good night.

I Got A Day Off.

Hello there.

Thank God for Judaism and its holidays. I needed a break. Not just because school is physically and mentally tough at the moment, but because I've been having difficulties the last couple of days. I really needed a break. I'm not saying the sort of pointless nervousness I experienced in middle school(which was, frankly, extreme) is comparable to high school but like...Tuesday and Wednesday were tough. Well, just Wednesday, but still. it rained in the morning. pretty in the sunrise, but hell, it's rain and I don't want autumn to come. Winter officially terrifies me. It's so miserable. But anyway, we had an essay in the physical science class from the summer reading we did. Question; "Is the main character a hero?". How am I supposed to answer that without diving into some big swimming pool of cliches? answer; I've no idea. So I did the cliched 'a hero can be many things' route, sixty minutes, a page and a half. Crap but not difficult. Geometry my teacher's a narcissistic bitch and had a go at me for doing the wrong side of a worksheet, not that she actually specified which side to do, naturally. I don't know why that got to me, something about the almost public humiliation of it, but whatever way I panicked and couldn't do much else and went my usual route of internal self hatred and anger. This plus a really, really bad Spanish lesson didn't help. I got a C on a quiz. Okay, so that was actually pretty middle of the road, I did hear of Fs, Ds, and Bs, but no As so it's not like a tragic grade, but still, C. And then we played this conjugation game and I suck at Spanish so the public humiliation continued, and then I had to review homework with the girl next to me. I couldn't do half of it. She didn't think much of me, and after my performance in that class, I do not blame her. But it still hurt like hell. it's weird that gym would be some sort of hi light, but so it was--one game I looked like a total fool, and I heard we get graded down for not bringing gym clothes(which I will not be doing, FYI, because the rule is pathetic and because I don't like getting changed), but otherwise it wasn't bad. The whole thing just got a bit much.

Thank Christ for this break. Five days straight will be a nightmare. I keep waking up at four in the morning for no reason. also, homework is too much. I could handle today's, not that we were supposed to get homework, but a whole four days straight is difficult.

One day I need to write something more conclusive about Peep Show. I was getting upset at the silliest things earlier, like my height, which may not be much(five two, if you're interested, not that you are) and I got into this nightmarish loop of miserableness(wannabee emo lyric of the day?), and I was like 'I need Peep Show now'. Not only is Peep Show realistic and genius and clever and possibly the most genuinely witty and funny Sitcom there has ever been in my opinion, it's comforting. Everyone's a bit like Jeremy, a bit like Mark, some more to one than the other. I'm about 5%-95% on the Jeremy-to-Mark scale. Watching Mark makes me laugh and makes me feel better. I am Mark Corrigan. It's okay. He can relate. He can relate about a lot of things. And it's okay Mark is wonderful, not that I am, and you're not on your own, Naomi. I need that quite a lot, just like everyone I suppose. Sometimes Peep Show is all that comforts me. Right now I find it more comforting than music and reading and playing piano and blogging combined. Wednesday I had a bad day and I just had a late-night Peep Show episode. Mark's public humiliation, self hatred, embarrassment, fear, and anxiety is endless; and it's so wonderful to see because our days are so similar. it makes me feel so much better about myself and about the world in general. That is why Peep Show is so brilliant. That is why I watch it so much. That is why I have greatly over exaggerated about a lightweight comedy show.

In other news, today I went to Concord which is one of my favorite places. All quirkiness and history, I love it. I went to one store that was dedicated to stuff that was meant to look antique, largely things centered around birds and eggs and nests. When I look at antiques, first I feel very angry about myself for being overly sentimental, feminine, simple, and easily tricked by stupid things. And then part of me goes 'oh my god. it's an old fashioned weighing machine! I need that!'. Then part of me wonders if I have the money or the means to take something big home. So I go looking for something small. And then I realise I can't pick one small thing that I love more than the others so I pick up the first cutesy thing I find. Then I leave with an expensive notebook with the picture of a worn-out newspaper and a butterfly on top and I wonder what exactly happened in the last twenty minutes. But it's fun, right? Concord is so wonderful and it was so good to relax and do nothing.

Apparently a theme for this blog is choppy paragraphs, so that is the way it will stay. Have you heard of Perfume Genius? He's a music an. I generally avoid the word 'lo-fi' because most lo-fi sucks and I hate the term. But his song Learning is cool and it has quite good lyrics. there are a couple of songs I want but they're not on iTunes USA. Also, I need to add my Pretty Reckless, Editors, National, Skunk Anansie, and Kings of Leon CDs to my iPod but somehow I don't see myself having the time.

Two things, one, 'redundant' is my new favorite word, because I always go for the obvious ones. Two, I have last period Friday study hall which I see as sort of...redundant? That doesn't actually really work, but that's the closest I've got so far. I'm looking forward to it. Shamefully, I haven't been keeping up with reading at all, except in the mornings at school when I've been sitting outside my science class(which happens to be in the freshman hallway) with some other nerd. I need to keep up if I hope to reach fifty books. Also I have a science quiz tomorrow, my first in that class, and the stuff we're doing is more my style than most of the stuff in that class will be, but still, I like my teacher because shes something of an evil genius. Emphasis of evil. I'm expecting another C. Thanks high school; rather than reading fifty books this year, I will get fifty quizzes with C grades. Cheers.*

Well, it's that time of the night where I choose between reading my crap WWII novel, playing Song of India for the millionth time on piano, watching TV, or studying. Oh, it's a tricky one. See you another time, blogsophere.

- Naomi

*that is possibly the first and only time I will ever use that word in that context.

Homework Has Made Me Go Peep Show Cold Turkey(Almost)!

Hello.

You know what I miss? Being bored. Having time. Doing nothing. All of that. I'm having a particularly difficult time with homework lately, I'm not sure why. Yes, everyone is sort of struggling with keeping up with its enormous amount, but I in particular seem to be having problems. In terms of time, especially. Okay, so I do sort of do homework on and off during the day, but still, it's not that bad and I started at 2:55, finished at about eight oclock. And I had study hall today! This. Is. Madness. In fact, forget that, this is unhealthy and ridiculous. Perhaps it's the fault of the classes. I could go into an easier class...but I don't think my self esteem could forgive me. It sounds silly but I couldn't live with that.

And this is why I'm on the verge of tears, losing my mind, panicking, and half considering giving up entirely. I cannot do this.

Hell, guess what, I was having a panic after I'd finished my HW, and my mum knows of my new obsession and how indulging it would help me feel better, she was like "Okay, we can watch an episode of Peep Show later". And do you know what I said? I said "I don't think I have time, but maybe". Becuse that is the truth. And when I, who can average four or five episodes of this show on a day on a weekend, cannot fit in one episode on a weekday because of homework, then you know something has gone seriously wrong. and it's very sad. I miss my daily Mark Corrigan fix. But more I miss the knowledge that that fix is a given--depdent on nothing.

Right now I'm gonna blog on both(both as in plural, yes--www.mykingdomforonelastdance.blogspot.com) blogs and listen to The National's High Violet with my big headphones. and it will help. I'm not exactly sure what Matt Berninger is singing about a lot of the time, but all I know is he seems pretty down, too, and he is a baritone so it is very comforting.

The ironic thing is, I may hate school when I'm a t home, but I like it when I'm there. Actually, I like it a lot. In some ways the classes are killing whatever self confidence I had before, but today I brought my iPod on the bus, I read my book in the both vile and relaxing experience that is lunch and my lunch table, only got slightly bored in physical science, found geometry moved easily and fast, and Spanish isn't half bad. I like the classes. It's kinda testing my introvetrtedness but it's easy to fight back, and waking up is a pain, but it pays off. I quite like my teachers. And study hall or gym at the end of the day. it's good. The only thing I'm seriously worried for is Wednesday without study hall, when I have piano, and I don't know what I'll do.

I have had no time for piano and I feel very upset, because I was moving so well with it last year. I can only blog some days. I can't spend time finding new bands online. I haven't had the chance to draw all week. I haven't done guitar in forever. Some days I can't even read. In these afternoons, I am a bt miserable.

Oh, I am a whiny teenager, aren't I?

Anyway, it doesn't help to have a crap week because I had such an amazingly relaxing weekend. Saturday I went to the mall with my family and Natalie's friend. It was mostly for the friend but the mall is the only thing of a very commercial nature(except some of the onternet, I suppose) that I can stomach right now and I haven't been in a while and it was really fun. I looked around the clothes shops but didn't buy. On an other note, it's getting weirder and weirder, mainstream fashion, sort of. Also, while I will never forgive FYE for not having Libs or Babyshambles or Peter Doherty(a February '10 obsession, FYI), I do give them credit for Jonsi and Freelance Whales. I've only had the chance for FW so far but what I've heard is profoundly beautiful. Give me twee lyrics any day, I don't care! Wire my heart to your synthesizers please. Your music is so beautiful. Also, I got a smoothie and got out of the house. Oh, and on Monday me and my mom went fruit picking I can't beleieve I don't do it more, it's one of my favorite activites, I guess you could say. it's great being out in the summer sun, picking rasberries, looking under peach trees, and then we got icecream and the farm is so...farmlike and so absolutely folksy and lovely. I'm in love with that place. The sun says it's still summer--so, in my book, it is.

One thing I've mixed feelings on. Could the stores please stop saying it's autumn? Because it. is. not. autumn. yet. I don't like autumn that much. Okay, I suppose there's something stunning and hypnotic about the leaves, halloween, the nice weather, fruit picking again, goingfor walks, all of that. Autumn was amazing for me last year. actually, what am I saying, I love autumn. Love it. But it's not summer. Only I can see something as beautiful as autumn and think "everything is...dying", right? It's just I can seriously barely handle the winter I hate it so much and from January, February, to March, I don't know what I'll do. it's a good thing it's only September.

The only other news is that I've spent the week opposing the common 21st century idea of 'feminism'. I really wanna discuss it so much but I'm done here. I haave organge juice, music, and the internet. In 8th grade I would say time to kill--now I would say time to savor. I hope next time I write here I'm in a better mood.

Until then!

- Naomi

It's Day One and I "Have No Time To Be Writing This"

Hello.

No seriously. I really don't have time. Like, I'm still running on GMT so my head thinks it's sort of 2:30 in the morning rather than 9:30 and I'll be falling asleep at my keyboard pretty soon so I need to go to bed, but I can't because I'm on a specific reading schedule because I want to read 50 books a year, and I'm about three days behind. And, I've convinced myself, stupidly, that I need to blog here. But when a highschooler says they don't have time to be writing this, it's a hundred times more convincing than a middle schooler saying it. And I am not a middle schooler anymore. So yes, i get away with minor excuses!

the bus ride wasn't so bad. Waking up was okay, with time to spare. I'm friends with two people on my bus. Our bus driver complains how he isn't getting payed for the driving somehow. I still had like 30 minutes to spare once I got there and I didn't wanna waste time at my locker that day so I hung out in the hallway which felt tantalizingly independent. physical Science was right by my friend's ,ocker so me and my other friend went in there. We were early and got talking to a girl inf front of us until the rest of the class dribbled in. I knew a few people. Not looking very promising, though, in terms of people who I might actually like. The same group of boys in American Eagle outfits and girls in short-shorts and tanktops. Judgemental, yeah, but it's a pretty efficient way of sorting people out. my teacher seems a little abrasive, but nice enough. Her class will be the hardest, no question, I've heard some accusations of 'btichyness' floating around. But it's all good. We pretty much got ourselves assigned seats, went over lunches, rules, regulations, how the school works, grading, all that good stuff etcetera and then we were divided into groups to build towers out of straws and paper clips. it's the sort of thing I've been doing in Engineering for the past two years endlessly and I absolutely loathe it. god, I hope the whole class isn't like that. I was the one who twiddled her thumbs because I couldn't care less about these towers, while my two assigned partners helped built. It didn't stand up. my friend has a spectacularly stupid design that came in second place, haha!

Second block was shorter, Geometry. Took a sort of accidental detour around the building to look for it and wandered into the wrong class because it wasn't labelled properly, but found it eventually. have one sort of friend, two other people from my middle school, and a few friends of friends. the teacher seems friendly, if hardgoing. She's really into the online stuff, which sucks because I forgot to activate mine the day before. But no matter. We had a short block, Thank God, and she just went over the basic rules, assigned us a little bit of homework, and went over some math terms. Spanish was waaaay easier to find. I was one of the first there. Just me and one other friend. I'm sorta hating my class right now, full of Sophomores who don't give a damn and obnoxious boys, frankly. Not promising. The teacher was nice and she did speak in English--some don't--and was very friendly and everything. We went over some All About You and then I had lunch--middle lunch--and they had pizza and turns out I got a good lunch. My Spanish friend, one other good friend, and at least three or four acquaintances. We ate lunch quickly and didn't have much else to do, so we wandered around the building which was cool and then went back to finish Spanish where we went over some verbs, rules, and question words for 40 minutes. Then it was a long route down to Project Challenge, or Gym That Isn't Actually Gym. it's one of those corny self-esteem building things that I hate. However, I hate actual gym more, much much more, so it all works out in the end. I knew six or seven people there, though I'm not really friends with anyone. they talked about the kinda team building stuff, two teachers, one kinda loud and annoying, the other quieter and friendly. We were split into groups of two and given trick question quizzes for a while. My partner was nicer than I expected, smart too. In the end we got 13 out of 25 and came third out of the whole class. to be fair, I had seen several of those before and I already knew the answers. that was, somehow, pretty much it as far as that class went. I was on 1st floor so getting back to the bus was easy.

And, well, that is pretty much high school until January-Februaery time for me. Except study hall tomorrow. Oooh, I have no expectations of study hall. I finally got my homework done, although today I had to have my first piano lesson since July and go get school supplies. the piano lesson went great. I'd forgotten a little, but overall I think I caught up pretty quickly. Next week I'm getting a book io simple classical pieces. She seemed unsure of me wanting to learn classical on piano, although it would strike me as a popular thing for pianists. But hey, I learn that or, like, Keane and the former is obviously more fun to play. And yeah, I tried to be quick with supply shopping but it did take some time out of the day which was kinda frustrating, and I've pretty much had to work almost nonstop since. It'll be easier for me tomorrow because I have more time. And I can actually reda. I don't know I'll have time right now.

I had a great day. For some reason I thought the school was kinda great, in the way that it's big and independent and they don't act like they care about you as an individual. Just the way I like things. Oh, the freedom!

Not much else to report, I suppose. I'm not really missing England yet. it won't start till i start to hate school, I suspect. Give it a few weeks. That being said, today is NME Day and it's sad I can't get it anymore. Grrr. I have a love-hate relationship with the NME, no question. Also there's stuff like the TV I miss. Oh yeah, I'm in a Peep Show phaze. Gotta love Mark. Really, I do. I've never seen a fictional character more like me and it rocks and sucks at the same time! I need to load all my CDs to iTunes soon. Also, I need the Freelance Whales CD which came out like a week ago, and I feel like getting the Arcade Fire for the sake of it. it seems like the sort thing you need to listen to in the whole record form to understand you know?

Anyway. Bye for now!

- Naomi

Oh. Well, hello there.

Hello there.

Just so you know, I'm not good at the opening post/All About Me thing. Never have, never will be. First off, I'm a pretty boring person. A lot of people say that, but trust me, I am. I mean, really, what do I actually do? Let me think. My name is Naomi. I'm English but I live in Massachusetts now. I'm 14 years old and I'm about to go into 9th grade. High school. I hate school, too; I keep blogs to complain about it, mostly. I also keep a blog to write. I like to write, a lot. Here, journals, at school, whenever I get the chance. Naturally that makes me a reader, too, I suppose. I do the 20th century classics thing mostly. Orwell, JD Salinger, Harper Lee, Twain, all those goodies. And some older ones, like Dickens and Hawthorne. All of those types of people. Your pretty run of the mill listing there. When I'm not reading or writing, I'm absorbing myself in an equally run of the mill music life. I'm 14, okay, what do you expect? I like boys with guitars and synthesizers, mostly. You know...Arctic Monkeys, Muse, Biffy Clyro, Babyshambles, Editors, Elbow(from which this blog gets its stupid name), Florence and the Machine, Franz Ferdinand, Joanna Newsom, Jonsi, Kasabian, Keane, Kings of Leon, the Libertines, MGMT, Paloma Faith, Peter Doherty, Radiohead, Sigur Ros, Snow Patrol, , hat sort of thing. oh, and I'm an indie girl; kinda hovering between hipster and not, which is awkward. I often like to write about music, too. I don't like many movies, most I do have Johnny Depp in them, but I have a mad insane relationship owith UK 'telly'. Obsessions include but are not limited to Peep Show(Um. Marry me, Mark Corregon?), Mock The Week, QI, Nevermind The Buzzcocks, would I Lie To You, Doctor Who, That mithcll and Webb look, have I Got News For You. Yes, PANEL SHOWS. oh, I could watch them all day. And I certainly will at one point. I don't have much else going on, you know?

Anyway, that's about me to a t. Not that it matters--no one reads these things and even if you, you'll catch the gist of what I'm about pretty quickly. I'm like a living anti-climax, right? I find it difficult to sound enthusiastic on these things. iIam, of course, it's just tricky.

to be fair, i'm a little distracted right now. I'm super tired. I've had a mad few days. Over the weekend I had a sort of family gathering, all 16 of us, and I was so busy I couldn't have time to go online at all. I love family gatherings, we haven't been totally together for four years. Me and my family went out on Saturday morning and we came back and my cousins C, who is 18, and A, who is 16 came round. I saw A last year. She doesn't seem to change, except somehow I outgrew her this year. C just proved to the world that he did catch the 140 IQ gene that runs in everyone in the family except me by getting a brilliant A level results, and he's off to university for physics. I haven't seen him since he was 15. Now he has a ponytail and army boots and staring eyes. He's scary to be honest. And a total smart Alec too. After one uncle and one aunt arrived and we had dinner and apple crumble(my favorite ever) and first we measured peoples pinky fingers for the sake of it, we had a quiz and a drawing competition and all he drew were dots. No one took it seriously. Also on the downside, our parents decided to have a kids' drawing competition and my sister can be a wordimnotgonnasay sometimes. Attention seeker to the extreme. the fact she can draw better than me doesn't help. By the way, that was just the beginning. Where did this attention seeker Natalie come from? her plan was to make out that she can speak publicly, does crosswords and plays chess regularly, draws the whole time, plays Croquet, and is clever and witty. it's weird, because the real Natalie watches Spongebob and goes on Facebook all day and wakes up at midday. Somehow they didn't notice her crap and she was like the baby again(still is, really) and I looked like the pathetic older sister who can't really do anything. Although, that is sort of the case. Anyway, that made it up and down. That and my grandmother. I like my grandma, really I do, but she is liberal and extroverted to an extreme, which in itself makes you twitch after 15 minutes of convo, but then she has this fascination--no, obsession--with all things education. Colleges, really. My cousins Chris and Alex who came later are 20 and 22. I played croquet with their dad, by the way. I sucked, We lost. But it was fun. Oh yes, I got to go out in a Mini! It was really cool! Anyway, education is all my Grandmother wants to talk about. Alex mentioned something about a phd and she misheard and had a sort of euphoric moment when an extension of education was prosed. he is not, in fact, getting a phd. But all my grandmother cares about is how is school going, where will this lead you, where are you planning on going, etcetera. It's tiring. My 16 year old cousin isn't going down this Science-Math Degree Douchebag route so my grandma's ruled her out entirely. That makes me next in this conveyor belt of unverisites. Which kinda sucks. no, I won't be a scientist. No, i don't know what I'll be. No, i'm not gonna chose between the arts and the sciences. And you quickly lose the will to fight it anymore. She's also very stubborn. While she does now think my sister is heaven on Earth, she still wants me to talk about school and such. I'm tired of all that. I really wish we didn't have to do all of this. Sunday as good, all 16 of us together and we played outside and did a quiz and joined in conversations, but me and my cousin had to escape into the other room for lunch. No one seems to know how fucking annoying the college thing is. i wish everyone, all my cousins, were young again and we didn't have to go through this. *wistful sigh* Wasn't it yesterday I ran around chasing my cousin Alex with an inflatable banana? Now he's getting a computer science degree and has facial hair. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

Today's been stressful, though. School, I'll have you know, is starting tomorrow and it's all I can think about. High school, even. I missed the orientation and in between having too much to do, we got to look around and get my lock. The place was both simpler and nicer than I expected. I got a great locker, it's on the edge in its row and right by some stairs. the layout is super straightforward and I'm really excited by the freedom of all of it. My schedule for tomorrow reads physical science, then Spanish, then Geometry, then Gym. Which is gonna suck. At least i have study hall instead of gym the other day. First term is gonna be rough. Actually, it's all gonna be rough--I'm, getting used to that. i shan't be making friends, I imagine. I'm just to hope I have classes with people i'm okay with. i'm worried, of course, about homework, waking up(ugh. gonna miss that!), the winter, the nervousness, etcetrera. Also, I have to take the bus this year. The last two years my mum drove me. Can't anymore. That kind of terrified me, and no one's telling me anything about it. So I will DEFINITELY do something wrong tomorrow afternoon, if I make it that far. Busses are too stressful. I can't wait for the day I can actually drive to school. But anyway, I need to supress supress supress. Summer is over. A new year awaits. I'll just pretend I'm not miserable about it! Yaaaay! Welcome to my world!

- Love and kisses and I'll change the layout soon I promise, Naomi