Best Intentions Bring Joyless Droughts.

Forth day in a row of staying up until one oclock or later. Let's see how long this can continue.

In other words, welcome to finals week everyone!

Blogspot decided to fuck up for three days straight, which is why Thursday's post might not match up with, like, the date and stuff. I don't know how obvious that is. But there you go. Blogspot's being nice again. This is inconvenient, as I should stop listening to Elbow and work on a 50-question science review packet. This isn't going to happen tonight.

I have two days left of school. I am 1/3 done with finals. You know, finals are always absolutely bizarre. It's also the one way in which high school is worse than middle school, cause finals are crazy. And not just the manic studying and the sleep deprivation and what have you, I mean what the actual final days are like. All told, they're pretty relaxed. at least they are for the 2nd semester, as no one really cares as much this time round. I guess this is only my 2nd time with finals, but they're not something I ever see myself getting used to. it's just..odd. Especially the way you just...take a test and leave. In middle school, you actually get to say goodbye to everyone. This goodbye actually usually draws itself out over most of the month of June, actually. In high school, unless you have a super relaxed class, you only say goodbye to your friends, not the acquaintances. And you never really get to talk with your teacher, it's just like "have a good summer" as if you weren't even in the slightest way affected by the previous five months of the class. I hate it, it's mad. I'm the sort of person who needs closure over the slightest things. This is why I find final days unsettling.

I've just been in the weirdest moods for the past few days. Who knew something so trivial could make you feel so many stupid things at once? I didn't. Also, I'm absolutely the only one who feels this way. Guess what I'm gonna say for the first time ever in a blog post? I am going to miss school. There, I said it! See, I'm getting emotional over everything. "This is the last time I am in this lunch and laugh at the creepy pedophile-like teacher". "This is the last time I get a science handout back, and spend the following 90 minute class glaring at the unsatisfactory grade". "This is the last time the pothead in my art class mills around my table and knocks some one's portfolio folder to the ground in a fit of giggles". Stupid stuff like that. I've gotten like that about everything. I don't know why this is happening. Cause it shouldn't be. It's worse when it comes to people you like, though. Not friends, cause you can see them over summer or talk to them on Facebook, but those people who you sort of like and will miss, but don't really know very well. I have a lot of those. And what if we're never in a class together again? This is all I think about, and it's so saddening! I'm sure I'll come back in September and it'll feel like no time has gone by at all, but that doesn't stop any of this sentimental crap.

Okay, end unnecessary teen angst nonsense. Time to get back to school stuff. For...the last time this year. School ends tuesday. Like, woah. What will I talk to you about over summer? I've yet to decide. Probably random stuff. Or something. Anyway.

Art class is over. I had a lesson on Tuesday & Thursday, and the final 1st block on Friday. Sad? Yes. You've no idea. Funny thing is, I loathed this class. I was with two people at my table who I like, and that is what makes me regret stuff. I just drew my picture for the entire time, then started painting, and it looks bad, but I don't care anymore. We were gonna have a written final, but that never happened. I wasted time this morning, I was supposed to be doing shadows, but that never happened. We talked about my teacher's obsession with shadows. The class was half empty, as you didn't have to come in if you'd finished your drawing. I didn't finish, but half heartedly passed it in regardless. I hated my teacher so we didn't really say bye.

Health is over, too. I had that final right after art(while everyone else got to go downtown...sucks). We only had one lesson since my last post, where we just watched a documentary about bullying and then reviewed and got a little project back. Nothing much. The final today was extremely simple--100 multiple choice questions. As long as you show up to class, you're guaranteed at least a 95. I was finished within twenty minutes. I'm gonna miss this class.

After that final, I went with my friend in my health class to see her friends. We went to an area outside the auditorium and ate skittles. they're the sort of friends who are all fluent in Nerdfighter talk, and like to do little dances to demonstrate physics principles, and you're just standing there maybe they're too nerdy for you. or you're nerdy too, but in a very different way. Or maybe you're more nerdy. Basically, it was very nerdy. Plus even with the skittles it doesn't stop the area from being cold or gray or there being obnoxious junior guys with scooters. I didn't really wanna hang around, honestly, so I told my friend I was going. I'm not gonna see her again this year, apart from in passing. She's probably one of the people I've gotten closest to this year, soooo that was majorly sad. Luckily the cafeteria was bright and I found a whole bunch of people to talk to. An abundance of people, really. Plus I saw my English teacher and she called me over and she told me I was a really good writer and asked me if I wanted to be a writer some day or if she wanted to switch my schedule around so I could double up on English, and it sounds like I'm bragging but no one's ever really been that enthusiastic about my writing, so that moment rocked. it's ironic because my writing abilities go to the dogs on here. And oh yeah, grammar? Nonexistent. Anyway, I had 90 minutes to kill between then and my English final so I tried to plan for the essay while being with a few people, except the place was so busy and I moved between like four different groups of people because I wanted to see everyone. Got caught up in a theist-atheist debate at one point. Then was probably not the time to get involved in such matters.

English final was good enough. Grammar, literary devices, analyze a poem, compare two of the books we've read this year. (Talking about love and hate in Tale of Two Cities and Romeo and Juliet oh yeah my essay sucked but whatever I have like a 97% in that class). I'm glad that I'm done with that class, because it was stressful and the essays were also terrible, but I enjoyed reading the books and the people in my class were nice enough. We didn't do much all this week, just finishing up Romeo And Juliet. we had to draw a picture to represent a specific speech. And it's graded. This is not okay. Also I did a portfolio, which is four essays, in one night and stayed up late to do it and it sucked and I got a 98%. This is deserving of an evil laugh on my point.

My science final is on Monday. I'm scared senseless. I have like a 92% in that class and an A is 92.5% I will be so upset if I'm an A-. We have a full study guide for it, so hopefully things will turn out okay. As long as studying is my life this weekend. Just one more weekend, and then I'm done with studying for three months! I desperately want an A in this class, I have tried so hard. All we've talked about this week is weather. I paid too little attention. She announced class was over, and it was the most strange thing you could imagine. The class is hell and it's almost over. Never has anything in my life caused as much stress as this class. But, I'm gonna miss some people.

All we did in World Civ this week was work on our final project. It was kinda good, as I was done within two days and basically got to read and study all of Wednesday and Thursday. It's funny how no one cares anymore. Like, in the social studies computer lab the teacher has a computer and on that he can see what everyone else is doing on their computers, and in January this scared us, but now all people do is play Qwop and write messages to our teacher via this computer system, and no one thinks twice about it. It's pretty fun, too. Our final is the last one I'm gonna take, on Tuesday, though all we're gonna do is present our projects. We'll probably get done early. Definitely a good way to end this year. Have I mentioned I'm gonna miss this class like crazy? So many decent people in it. Tuesday doesn't even bear thinking about, how weird it's gonna be when I leave the place. Bizarre. After that I'm gonna (hopefully) hang out with some friends, and then we're gonna make a birthday cake for Brandon Flowers. Y'know, reliving 7th grade.

I really don't know why I'm missing everything, and everyone else is missing nothing. I don't understand.

It's good that it feels like summer for the moment now. It's Saturday now(I started writing Friday night, but took a break). I'm outside and listening to Elbow. They have a song called With Love, and it is so so so beautiful and bright, it is absolute bliss. Elbow are playing round here in September, but it's 18+. Guess that's okay. I'm hoping for them again for V in 2012. That is, if V happens in 2012. The Olympics are fucking around with a lot of the music festivals next year.

Speaking of V! They organized their lineup yesterday, so now I know who is playing on what days. They added a few more people, too. It's looking good! The only issue is that Saturday is pretty clashtastic. People really are too rude about V, though; a few good bands are better than sitting around in your house all day, right? Right! So, anyway, on Saturday, the main stage is Fun Lovin Criminals first(this could not be a more perfect way to start a fest), and then Ziggy Marley, then KT Tunstall, then Bruno Mars, then Lostprophets, then Kaiser Chiefs, then Plan B, then Arctic Monkeys. I'll stay for KT Tunstall, Lostprophets for fun, but then Kaiser Chiefs!! oh my god, Kaiser Chiefs have the main stage sunset spot--this is the best spot of the day! And I'm looking forward to them most! This is just perfect. I'm gonna go in the KC moshpit for I Predict A Riot. I'm not as interested in the 2nd stage that day,though Jessie J will be fun. It's problematic cause I wanna see Razorlight on that stage only they will clash with Plan B and I need to see him if I wanna get a good place for the Arctic Monkeys. And, trust me, AM are amazing live in small venues, so at a festival they will be phenomenal. This also clashes with Glasvegas on the 3rd stage! But I'll probably get see Katy B there earlier in the day. 4th stage'll be good with an early afternoon Alex Winston set, Frankmusik later in the day, and some Airborne Toxic Event and Gomez in the evening if I can catch them. As for Sunday, main stage is Imelda May, Squeeze, Ellie Goulding, Scouting For Girls, Manic Street Preachers, The Script, Rihanna, and Eminem. The first two are always fun, probably gonna wander for the afternoon and maybe get back for the Manics or the Script, Rihanna sucks live but whatever, and then I simply have to stay for Eminem, if only for the Love The Way You Lie duet. There's some good early afternoon stuff on the 2nd stage, then I'm gonna ignore my music elitism for some pop punk there later in the day, simply must see the Wombats, and then if I'm lucky I'll see the wonderful psychedelic 90s Trip Hop Gods that are Primal Scream doing all of Screamadelica. 3rd stage I'm definitely seeing Hurts, and would love to ironically see Duran Duran if they weren't headlining. 4th stage is good stuff throughout the day, including I Am Kloot and Stornoway. To be honest, there are clashes everyfuckingwhere but I'll live through it. Also I'm going with my usual group of people, that is my mother, my sister, my dad, my three friends, their mom, and whatever friends they bring along. It's tricky because, while everyone's up for AM on saturday, we'll be all split up over Sunday. I reckon I'll stay for Eminem, as will my mom and my other friend, my dad'll be at Primal Scream or Pendulum, and my other friends for Duran Duran. What a mess! But regardless, I'm excited. And if you actually read all of this paragraph, you are to be commended, my friend.

I reckon I'll blog here on Wednesday, to catch you up on all the various emotions and what have you after the end of my freshman year. Until then, bye.

Freedom For Two Days.

finals are done, baby! finally! words can't describe this level of relief. I had geometry 1st block. My teacher got annoyed with the state of my textbook and I had a headache for most of the 90 minutes that I was there for. There was only one question I really couldn't do--the others were fine, bar the odd point taken off for units or something, a careless habit I've yet to shake. I came home after that for lunch. I watched Mitchell&Webb again and studied for Spanish. My mom dropped me off and I walked back to the school--it was negative 21 degrees Celsius today, wow! I was the only one who found something oddly refreshing and lovely in that, I think. I never liked the cold before. only in this extreme, I suppose.

Spanish was listening(80%, but whatever) and then two short little essays. While I try hard to be wordly and set my goals too high(life plan; do Spanish through to senior year to the tiniest degree of fluency. after, learn about of german for the sake of it. then get a bit comfortable with french, live out my wildest stereotype-induced dreams of Parisian sophistication etc. for a few years. get head around a language that isn't romance--swedish, preferable--. move to Stockholm. buy woolen jackets and listen to saccharine scandinavian pop music. decide I'm not hardcore enough for all that, buy a house in Kent and eat salt and vinegar crisps and buy the NME every wednesday. where was I?), I can't say the language was particularly enjoyable this year. kinda just wanna get it done. haha. ditto geo, but everyone knows geo is the most useless mathematics class you can ever possibly take(bar statistics, I 'spose) so it doesn't matter much.

it's a bit difficult fathoming that this semester is over, like I said a couple posts ago. I won't miss Spanish or gym--I will miss everything else. so many inside jokes and stuff. high school is remarkable fun, I've found. there are a lot of silly, stupid people but a brain, a book, and a good collection of Divine Comedy songs I have found will sort that out.

my schedule starting Thursday; B day art, G day health, 2nd science, 3rd history, 4th english. I know a few people in my art class already, and one in my world civ. Yeah, I really don't actually know anyone.(it's entertaining seeing all my middle school friend's and their rapidly expanding social groups this year and their vast, vast knowledge of freshman gossip and I'm all like..."er, who are you talking about? I don't know who that is?". such a weirdo). Study will be sorely missed. I hear this particular science is hellish. art should be fun, health is a breeze bar the "OH MY GOD IT'S SO AWKWARD" stupid people who litter the classes and the lunch discussions and the universe, history sounds fun because it's actually different to what I've done before. english is my favorite subject generally though I've heard this year it's a bit disappointing. still, I'm a delusional nerd who's excited to read books this year, actually read not just own a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird for two months and be all like "he is racist. he isn't. the end".(cough cough 8th grade cough cough). I just heard Animal Farm is a selection? like, wow wow wow why didn't I know about this? next year or the year after, I hear we read The Great Gatsby which I really must pick up, and that will become the crux of my high school life, I think.

anyway, to staples tomorrow and the mall, to black swan the day after. possibility of a snow day so maybe something else, I don't know. it's like a 2nd weekend!

you find me without anything to say. i mean literally without words, not just the vapid stuff I babble on about most days. this sense of freedom is a funny thing. I read a lot today, especially Lucky and Peter Doherty's journal book thing, which is worth a read. I really want to be a Trilby or a Pork Pie hat. I actually can't wait until february, I'm counting down the days. for 28 days I try to shut off the world, read books, and listen to everything by Peter Doherty day after day. well at least i did last year. really, it's fun. I do wish he'd work on something now though. he's probably doing some 'Shambless stuff but it's not like anyone pays attention.

oh yeah, another 18+ dissappointment. Foals!(marry me, Yannis) Freelance Whales supporting! Wow! Ugh! Stupid people. sigh.

I'm gonna leave with a video again.



I discovered this lady today. the guitar is so, so beautiful. plus, I kinda have a thing for Guy Garvey. by 'thing' I mean I love him--who doesn't?--even though he is surely turning into Henry VIII. I listened to Leaders of the Free World all day today and it never stops being amazing. I heard he can't read music. I hate those sorts of people, writing some of the most amazing music of their time and not, technically, writing music in a literal sense. some of work hard and don't write anywhere near as astonishing music, Guy! whatever he does turns to audible gold which is why, Guy, I will literally pay you anything to drag your band around this country. K? K.

Good night.

two finals done.

this week, I studied for finals. I stayed up till midnight, got headaches, drank sweat tea, blasted X ray Spex, and ate unhealthy amounts of Pot Noodle every night.

today as my last science class. the final was relatively easy. I'm going to miss that class, oddly, more so than probably all the other classes. it's a shame I think my teacher hates me. The vibes, shall we say, around the school were interesting. Afterwards I sat in the cafeteria with someone in my class, and we flipped through our geometry binders like that was an affective way of studying. most people had nothing that block either so they kind of huddled around declaring how everything was so ridiculously easy, regardless of actual levels of difficulty involved. figuring I didn't want to study for some two hours or eat cafeteria food, I went home and watched Mitchell and Webb.




HAHAHA fantastic, right? Yes!

Also I had a gym final. I know, a gym final. We did that thing were you wrap up eggs and throw them off something. Two idiots in my group were playing catch with it. A few minutes before we were due to present, boy in group shook the package by his ear, declared he heard nothing. probably due to falling on the floor during their stupid game, no doubt. I will reiterate that I will not miss gym class. I will miss my clan of three other people cause they're cool but the other girls are endlessly bitchy(I mean this when I say it--I'm cutting down of my usage of this word). I didn't half mind the teacher until yesterday. "I'm going to miss this class" she said, opening the door to the locker room "you're all really amazing girls.". I walked by to get my bag. "Except some of you are quite quiet" she said, smiling at me. oh, it's the "although" that ruins everything. shy/introverted/whatever people can be amazing too. if the cat got my tongue, it also took all the loud people's brains, I am sure. That's one way to ruin someone's reputation in my eyes.

I spent so long on science I'm sure to do badly in geo. I already did 2/3 of my Spanish, got 100% in reading, and a good 90% I would guess in speaking. Listening has a tiny point value, and writing is just tenses and having payed some minimal amount of attention this year. I'm nearly 100% grade average in that class, I can't be bothered either way. Gonna spend like five hours studying math today. I probs won't miss that class either. I made friends with this really loud, obnoxious girl who doesn't try at all. It's all a facade I'm sure. Kinda Ke$ha-like, minus the blue lipstick. I might miss her.

also I might see Ke$ha if Ticketmaster hadn't majorly fucked up on me. gee, thanks. But I guess there's still hope. Maybe? I don't know. I am SERIOUSLY pissed off about the whole thing, which I am not going into.

possibility of snow day tomorrow, which is good and bad. ruins my four day weekend but gives me study time. monday off, no finals. most people are going back to our old middle schools. I'm not--i think I'd sooner stab myself.

I'm starting to feel nostalgic about this half year being over, but it's probably the cause of my developed sugar addiction(no joke) and my not having eating anything with the substance in it in a while. also, I'm tired. and stressed, duh. my overwhelming sentimentality is a story for when there is no studying to be done. also, I'm tempting fate by saying this is my first winter where I'm not seriously unhappy since 5th grade. but it has to be said.

Anyway, good bye.

Sooo.

so what happened with the star signs thing? I payed no attention to the actual thing, only what I am now. Was a Taurus, now an Aries. I look at Aries so called personality traits I'm like, what the fuck, I'm not an Aries. I wanna be a Taurus again. I don't suppose you care but there we go.

It is the week before finals and all hell has broken loose, at least in my head. I keep telling myself I'm going to study but I don't which is stupid then I get stressed, then I worry I'm thinking about finals too much, then I get stressed some more, and then I probably sleep. UGH. stupid finals. I got my schedule today--science 1st block thursday, gym 4th block thursday, geometry 1st block friday, spanish 4th block friday. I was gonna have my gym final(you might at this point be going "uh, gym final?!. I wholeheartedly agree.) on Wednesday but it got moved. I could've eaten out for lunch, got out of school by 10:30. Also in my experience, my brain(stress part plus, uh, science-doing part) need a rest after any science test. or something. functioning life for a whole day after a science final is not possible.

then of course geo and spanish, ugh. I have to do bits of the Spanish final through the week, but the main part is on that one day. I have to memorize the answers to 35 questions this weekend. and, geometry, whilst the easiest by a long way, is probably just enough to send me over the edge. funny, right?

But I'm looking forward to a long weekend. Then I got the next Monday+Tuesday off and the new semester starts Wednesday. Finally got my messed up schedule right. Art, health, environmental science, world civ, and english, for some reason I'm excited. Is it just me or is this year the fastest year ever? Nearly half way through already. and we're halfway through january aren't I supposed to be so melodramatic this time of year? what is going on? I actually like winter this year(where did that come from)--soooo excitied for February. snow and darkness and Peter Doherty, hell yes. just need to get through this damn week.

HEY GUESS WHAT. Tim Minchin(have I mentioned my plans for a polygamic--is that a word?*--marriage with Tim Minchin, Mark Corrigan, and Matt Bellamy? No? Should do that some time) was on some rubbish-y late night talk show that no one in their right mind watches, this week. Tim's trying qat this 'breaking America' thing. this was his US TV debut. I reeeeaaally hopes he makes it here. Inflatable You seemed to go down well--shame he won't get away with much more. He's perfecting his skill of avoiding bear cans being thrown at his head, at this very moment,and then he'll be ready and we'll have forgotten all about Russel Brand by 2010. can't. wait.

I'm supposed to be writing stuff for spanish, therefore this is a post of nothingness. in review of my last few days

- there was a bomb threat at school.
- I have come to the realisation that I must live with at least one obsession at a time. good? bad?
- Tim Minchin has an ironic Jesus door hanging. yes, that's right, an IRONIC JESUS DOOR HANGING. A hugr picture of Jesus, several square feet. Actually I'm not really sure what it is, but oh my god, where did he get it, I must have it now, I literally died of amazement when I saw he had those. can't wait to confuse my parents with that come my birthday.
- I have a science test on Tuesday for no reason whatsoever. not to be melodramatic(psh, when have I ever done that?) but I think I may actually be dead before finals come around.
- bat for lashes is brilliant.
- if someone says you will have a double snow day, don't trust them.
- I have a B- in Science and I think I already died a bit.
- I have about a 103% in Spanish which leaves me thoroughly confused.
- Note; don't get into fashion logs. you will never escape.

that is about it I'm afraid. back to the madness. bye.

*whether this is a word or not, I just found out the term for women marrying multiple men is in fact 'polyandry'. you learn something every day.