Hello blog.
I'm sorry it's been a month and a bit and I've only done ten posts. I feel kinda guilty, like somehow I should feel guilty because of my blog of all things. I used to post every three days. Now I'm averaging five. I just feel like that isn't properly recording what I wanna record, you know? Sigh.
Not that there's a whole heck of a lot to report. Life at the moment? The leaves are falling, I have a love/hate relationship with gym, I'm going to a Halloween-themed theme park thing with friends tomorrow, I've become such a Shooting Stars addict that I've been watching some stuff from series 1 online, I'm gonna see Weezer in December, and I like sitting in hallways in the morning reading books and unintentionally staring at people.
Overall, not too bad. On the Weezer note, I dunno if you heard about the way they're touring, but I'm seeing them the day they're playing the Blue Album. Not a huge Pinkerton fan, me. And I'm not actually getting Hurley. I just thought they'd be fun to see.
Autumn's so short here that I really need to get into the spirit, like, now, because this is Massachusetts and for all I know we could have two feet of snow tomorrow. That'd really suck. I haven't really gotten the chance to enjoy it. My favorite thing about autumn is going for walks but I can't. Homework. High school hates people being happy, right? Silly high school. But October's a really great month. I loooooooooove October.
School's been up and down this week! I had such a great gym class today. Next week we're going outside to do these kinda, I don't know, adventure courses. Walking on planks of wood, zip lines, that sort of thing. To prepare for it we've had to do a lot of trust exercises. It's as stupid as it sounds. I will never trust all seventeen other people in my class. I do not even come close to liking several of them. So trust is kinda dumb, but hey, it's not actual sports which sometimes is all I can ask for. We did trust falls on Tuesday, and today we did trust falls off the bleachers in the gym. Your feet are probably about seven feet off the ground from the top of the bleachers. below you, said seventeen other kids holding their hands out criss-crossed with the people opposite them, kinda cheering you on as you stand there, wishing they'd just stop because you can't stand the attention. The drop's the easy bit. I'm not really scared of heights or falling anyway. Your heart kinda sinks as it does, and it is quite possible I started flailing my hands in the air although I can't really remember, and then you're awkwardly being held by a dozen of your classmates. Rather more exhilarating than I've found this Team Work shtick so far this year. Going out into the woods Monday. With this so-called new lease of 'trust' in my peers, will I be able to do whatever horrors are set forward? Who knows.
That being said, the logic problems they give us are pretty humiliating. It's a thing where you're "in" when you get them, and mocked by the "in" while you're out. I'm always the last to get them. And by get them, I mean be told by someone whilst in the locker room. I'm not a moron, sort of, though I wouldn't say I'm smart either. Guess it's just not my sort of logic. But the fact that I'm being publicly humiliated, feel embarrassed, and start to hate myself when the class is over...what's the point of that? Usually the psychology behind most of these games are pretty simple, but this. What kind of mind games are they trying to pull? Honestly, I'm seeing no benefits.
Geometry we had our little party on Monday. Had cake. Felt a bit baffled at the confusion of our relatively simple chapter we've been working on and why we had to do extra review. Took a look at our test today, and mentally ran through my list of "I'm really pissed off now" vocabulary. How dare she give us a proof worth eight points! Not a single person in the class can do proofs! And I know I got zero points 'cause I somehow ended up talking about a parallelogram and there's no doubt in my mind that that was a mile away from where I was supposed to be, So, pretty much screwed up the third test, the one I thought was simple. It's just slope and theorems, right? Wrong. That test was evil. I didn't even have TIME for the bonus questions, let alone racking my brains for answers! Anyway. I got new seats and I'm with a girl who has labelled me a superhero, and another that has declared that I don't talk much because when I talk, world disasters happen.
I will never know about science until the day of a test. I have one tomorrow. Could potentially be a disaster or rather fantastic. Who knows, right? Stupid Newton, he's really annoying. I have a Spanish quiz tomorrow, too. Know the ideas, though not all the vocab, and not enough time to really understand it. Uuuuugh. Good news is, I'm getting better at Spanish. I'm near kids of a similar level, and all we've been doing this week is busy work and practising skits. Presented those today, too. Was the only one in my group who knew all the lines, and I was the one who was mocked for lack of emotion. A bit unfair.
Today coming home the person I feel obligated to sit next to just 'cause, was elsewhere so I got the whole seat and it almost looked really warm outside. So bright. The bus was nearly empty. I'm just saying. And such a light homework load. Musing over logic problems and gravity. Easy day.
I'm getting back into the swing of piano. I'm just saying, thank you Tim Minchin. the sort of obsession one is allowed to feel for a musician would be considered weird for just about anybody else. And by musician, I mean 'normal' musician. Sorry Tim. People would think I'm weird for how much I like Tim Minchin. Who cares? I was listening to a few of his songs earlier, then I went back to practice my much much simpler little pieces and just kinda had a new energy for the way I was playing. I was playing badly, not that Tim does obviously, but I was having so much fun. Tim is basically awesome, though of course you already knew it.
And I bought an Arcade Fire CD. Again, just saying.
I do not honestly know why I don't want these paragraphs to flow anymore.
Blah.
Blah.
Blah.
Right, now I just sound ridiculous.
LAST THING; NaNo update; nothing to report. Not good! I can come up with characters. Really dumb, cliched, cookie-cutter characters, but characters nonetheless. I have some stupid plots. No good plots. I've been writing stuff out, hoping that something will kinda pop out. Again, stupid things. I've another three weeks to have that brilliantly revolutionary literary idea pop into my head.
That, or I'm copying Mark Danielewski. Ideas?
Past tenses and forces await studying, friends. Night.
- Naomi
Showing posts with label anxious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxious. Show all posts
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
I Got A Day Off.
Hello there.
Thank God for Judaism and its holidays. I needed a break. Not just because school is physically and mentally tough at the moment, but because I've been having difficulties the last couple of days. I really needed a break. I'm not saying the sort of pointless nervousness I experienced in middle school(which was, frankly, extreme) is comparable to high school but like...Tuesday and Wednesday were tough. Well, just Wednesday, but still. it rained in the morning. pretty in the sunrise, but hell, it's rain and I don't want autumn to come. Winter officially terrifies me. It's so miserable. But anyway, we had an essay in the physical science class from the summer reading we did. Question; "Is the main character a hero?". How am I supposed to answer that without diving into some big swimming pool of cliches? answer; I've no idea. So I did the cliched 'a hero can be many things' route, sixty minutes, a page and a half. Crap but not difficult. Geometry my teacher's a narcissistic bitch and had a go at me for doing the wrong side of a worksheet, not that she actually specified which side to do, naturally. I don't know why that got to me, something about the almost public humiliation of it, but whatever way I panicked and couldn't do much else and went my usual route of internal self hatred and anger. This plus a really, really bad Spanish lesson didn't help. I got a C on a quiz. Okay, so that was actually pretty middle of the road, I did hear of Fs, Ds, and Bs, but no As so it's not like a tragic grade, but still, C. And then we played this conjugation game and I suck at Spanish so the public humiliation continued, and then I had to review homework with the girl next to me. I couldn't do half of it. She didn't think much of me, and after my performance in that class, I do not blame her. But it still hurt like hell. it's weird that gym would be some sort of hi light, but so it was--one game I looked like a total fool, and I heard we get graded down for not bringing gym clothes(which I will not be doing, FYI, because the rule is pathetic and because I don't like getting changed), but otherwise it wasn't bad. The whole thing just got a bit much.
Thank Christ for this break. Five days straight will be a nightmare. I keep waking up at four in the morning for no reason. also, homework is too much. I could handle today's, not that we were supposed to get homework, but a whole four days straight is difficult.
One day I need to write something more conclusive about Peep Show. I was getting upset at the silliest things earlier, like my height, which may not be much(five two, if you're interested, not that you are) and I got into this nightmarish loop of miserableness(wannabee emo lyric of the day?), and I was like 'I need Peep Show now'. Not only is Peep Show realistic and genius and clever and possibly the most genuinely witty and funny Sitcom there has ever been in my opinion, it's comforting. Everyone's a bit like Jeremy, a bit like Mark, some more to one than the other. I'm about 5%-95% on the Jeremy-to-Mark scale. Watching Mark makes me laugh and makes me feel better. I am Mark Corrigan. It's okay. He can relate. He can relate about a lot of things. And it's okay Mark is wonderful, not that I am, and you're not on your own, Naomi. I need that quite a lot, just like everyone I suppose. Sometimes Peep Show is all that comforts me. Right now I find it more comforting than music and reading and playing piano and blogging combined. Wednesday I had a bad day and I just had a late-night Peep Show episode. Mark's public humiliation, self hatred, embarrassment, fear, and anxiety is endless; and it's so wonderful to see because our days are so similar. it makes me feel so much better about myself and about the world in general. That is why Peep Show is so brilliant. That is why I watch it so much. That is why I have greatly over exaggerated about a lightweight comedy show.
In other news, today I went to Concord which is one of my favorite places. All quirkiness and history, I love it. I went to one store that was dedicated to stuff that was meant to look antique, largely things centered around birds and eggs and nests. When I look at antiques, first I feel very angry about myself for being overly sentimental, feminine, simple, and easily tricked by stupid things. And then part of me goes 'oh my god. it's an old fashioned weighing machine! I need that!'. Then part of me wonders if I have the money or the means to take something big home. So I go looking for something small. And then I realise I can't pick one small thing that I love more than the others so I pick up the first cutesy thing I find. Then I leave with an expensive notebook with the picture of a worn-out newspaper and a butterfly on top and I wonder what exactly happened in the last twenty minutes. But it's fun, right? Concord is so wonderful and it was so good to relax and do nothing.
Apparently a theme for this blog is choppy paragraphs, so that is the way it will stay. Have you heard of Perfume Genius? He's a music an. I generally avoid the word 'lo-fi' because most lo-fi sucks and I hate the term. But his song Learning is cool and it has quite good lyrics. there are a couple of songs I want but they're not on iTunes USA. Also, I need to add my Pretty Reckless, Editors, National, Skunk Anansie, and Kings of Leon CDs to my iPod but somehow I don't see myself having the time.
Two things, one, 'redundant' is my new favorite word, because I always go for the obvious ones. Two, I have last period Friday study hall which I see as sort of...redundant? That doesn't actually really work, but that's the closest I've got so far. I'm looking forward to it. Shamefully, I haven't been keeping up with reading at all, except in the mornings at school when I've been sitting outside my science class(which happens to be in the freshman hallway) with some other nerd. I need to keep up if I hope to reach fifty books. Also I have a science quiz tomorrow, my first in that class, and the stuff we're doing is more my style than most of the stuff in that class will be, but still, I like my teacher because shes something of an evil genius. Emphasis of evil. I'm expecting another C. Thanks high school; rather than reading fifty books this year, I will get fifty quizzes with C grades. Cheers.*
Well, it's that time of the night where I choose between reading my crap WWII novel, playing Song of India for the millionth time on piano, watching TV, or studying. Oh, it's a tricky one. See you another time, blogsophere.
- Naomi
*that is possibly the first and only time I will ever use that word in that context.
Thank God for Judaism and its holidays. I needed a break. Not just because school is physically and mentally tough at the moment, but because I've been having difficulties the last couple of days. I really needed a break. I'm not saying the sort of pointless nervousness I experienced in middle school(which was, frankly, extreme) is comparable to high school but like...Tuesday and Wednesday were tough. Well, just Wednesday, but still. it rained in the morning. pretty in the sunrise, but hell, it's rain and I don't want autumn to come. Winter officially terrifies me. It's so miserable. But anyway, we had an essay in the physical science class from the summer reading we did. Question; "Is the main character a hero?". How am I supposed to answer that without diving into some big swimming pool of cliches? answer; I've no idea. So I did the cliched 'a hero can be many things' route, sixty minutes, a page and a half. Crap but not difficult. Geometry my teacher's a narcissistic bitch and had a go at me for doing the wrong side of a worksheet, not that she actually specified which side to do, naturally. I don't know why that got to me, something about the almost public humiliation of it, but whatever way I panicked and couldn't do much else and went my usual route of internal self hatred and anger. This plus a really, really bad Spanish lesson didn't help. I got a C on a quiz. Okay, so that was actually pretty middle of the road, I did hear of Fs, Ds, and Bs, but no As so it's not like a tragic grade, but still, C. And then we played this conjugation game and I suck at Spanish so the public humiliation continued, and then I had to review homework with the girl next to me. I couldn't do half of it. She didn't think much of me, and after my performance in that class, I do not blame her. But it still hurt like hell. it's weird that gym would be some sort of hi light, but so it was--one game I looked like a total fool, and I heard we get graded down for not bringing gym clothes(which I will not be doing, FYI, because the rule is pathetic and because I don't like getting changed), but otherwise it wasn't bad. The whole thing just got a bit much.
Thank Christ for this break. Five days straight will be a nightmare. I keep waking up at four in the morning for no reason. also, homework is too much. I could handle today's, not that we were supposed to get homework, but a whole four days straight is difficult.
One day I need to write something more conclusive about Peep Show. I was getting upset at the silliest things earlier, like my height, which may not be much(five two, if you're interested, not that you are) and I got into this nightmarish loop of miserableness(wannabee emo lyric of the day?), and I was like 'I need Peep Show now'. Not only is Peep Show realistic and genius and clever and possibly the most genuinely witty and funny Sitcom there has ever been in my opinion, it's comforting. Everyone's a bit like Jeremy, a bit like Mark, some more to one than the other. I'm about 5%-95% on the Jeremy-to-Mark scale. Watching Mark makes me laugh and makes me feel better. I am Mark Corrigan. It's okay. He can relate. He can relate about a lot of things. And it's okay Mark is wonderful, not that I am, and you're not on your own, Naomi. I need that quite a lot, just like everyone I suppose. Sometimes Peep Show is all that comforts me. Right now I find it more comforting than music and reading and playing piano and blogging combined. Wednesday I had a bad day and I just had a late-night Peep Show episode. Mark's public humiliation, self hatred, embarrassment, fear, and anxiety is endless; and it's so wonderful to see because our days are so similar. it makes me feel so much better about myself and about the world in general. That is why Peep Show is so brilliant. That is why I watch it so much. That is why I have greatly over exaggerated about a lightweight comedy show.
In other news, today I went to Concord which is one of my favorite places. All quirkiness and history, I love it. I went to one store that was dedicated to stuff that was meant to look antique, largely things centered around birds and eggs and nests. When I look at antiques, first I feel very angry about myself for being overly sentimental, feminine, simple, and easily tricked by stupid things. And then part of me goes 'oh my god. it's an old fashioned weighing machine! I need that!'. Then part of me wonders if I have the money or the means to take something big home. So I go looking for something small. And then I realise I can't pick one small thing that I love more than the others so I pick up the first cutesy thing I find. Then I leave with an expensive notebook with the picture of a worn-out newspaper and a butterfly on top and I wonder what exactly happened in the last twenty minutes. But it's fun, right? Concord is so wonderful and it was so good to relax and do nothing.
Apparently a theme for this blog is choppy paragraphs, so that is the way it will stay. Have you heard of Perfume Genius? He's a music an. I generally avoid the word 'lo-fi' because most lo-fi sucks and I hate the term. But his song Learning is cool and it has quite good lyrics. there are a couple of songs I want but they're not on iTunes USA. Also, I need to add my Pretty Reckless, Editors, National, Skunk Anansie, and Kings of Leon CDs to my iPod but somehow I don't see myself having the time.
Two things, one, 'redundant' is my new favorite word, because I always go for the obvious ones. Two, I have last period Friday study hall which I see as sort of...redundant? That doesn't actually really work, but that's the closest I've got so far. I'm looking forward to it. Shamefully, I haven't been keeping up with reading at all, except in the mornings at school when I've been sitting outside my science class(which happens to be in the freshman hallway) with some other nerd. I need to keep up if I hope to reach fifty books. Also I have a science quiz tomorrow, my first in that class, and the stuff we're doing is more my style than most of the stuff in that class will be, but still, I like my teacher because shes something of an evil genius. Emphasis of evil. I'm expecting another C. Thanks high school; rather than reading fifty books this year, I will get fifty quizzes with C grades. Cheers.*
Well, it's that time of the night where I choose between reading my crap WWII novel, playing Song of India for the millionth time on piano, watching TV, or studying. Oh, it's a tricky one. See you another time, blogsophere.
- Naomi
*that is possibly the first and only time I will ever use that word in that context.
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